A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,It's been almost 10 years since my highschool sweetheart and I have broken up. I was 19 at the time and was deeply inlove with her. Perhaps I was inlove with her because of her looks, perhaps because I liked to have her around or whatever it was, she was just amazing. At the time, I was starting a drug habit that would last for the next 3 years. Because of this habit, I started accusing her of cheating. I became insecure more and more everyday. It got to the point where I started calling her names, then it became a routine. Then one day, I laid a hand on her and that did it for her. She didn't want that to become a routine as well; therefore, she broke it off. At the time of our break up, I had nothing going for me and wanted to end my life. Instead, I chose to drown myself with alcohol, became a drug addict and started using different types of drugs. And then, 2 years later, I found myself and started dating again. I have been with my current girlfriend for 8 years now and throughout those years, I have thought of my ex-girlfriend from time to time. I don't speak to her anymore but I still see her profile from online dating sites like myspace. Last night, I had a dream about her and in the dream we got back together. I don't think that will ever happen because I know that she's happy where she's at.I guess I never really found closure to this whole thing because I've always hid it away. How do I move on and forget about my ex and find closure to this mess. Although my current girlfriend doesn't know about this, I feel I'm causing some of her miseries because of this. She really loves me very much and I feel the same way. But I want to find closure with my ex but don't know why she won't go away in my mind. Please advise.Thank you!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dmg +, writes (12 April 2009):
Write a letter to her...DO NOT MAIL IT!!!...and in the letter pour your heart out, tell her all of your regrets about how the relationship ended, how you still feel about her, etc. When you are finished, seal the letter up and put it away...sort of like putting away this relationship, putting closure on it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): I think there is always a part of us that retains that feeling of perpetual sadness whenever we are separated forever from someone who inspired our affections. You loved your ex-gf and part of you still does - maybe always will too. This residual love, combined with nostalgia for times gone by, means that forgetting is impossible. And even when a person tries to suppress these memories and feelings consciously, their subconscious mind will ensure that they never really can.I don't see any logic in feeling guilty for these feelings, since there's nothing you can do to change them. And I personally don't see any point in trying to seek out closure. That chapter of your life is over. You're with another girl now FOR THE PAST 8 YEARS. Don't mess this relationship up just because of nostalgic memories of the girl you once had. Stay focussed on the present and the future and don't ever allow yourself to retreat into the past.
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