A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guysHope you can offer me some advice as I my head is in two minds. Basically, I have been gifted some money to get a mortgage and new home (Whoopie!). I have a lovely partner who I have been with for years. My parents want me to do the mortgage in my own which means I wouldn't get a lot of house, but if my partner was to join me, I could get a bigger house. I feel sorry for my partner as he feels a little excluded now, but my parents just don't think he is wealthy enough hence why they want me to do it on my own. The other factor is that he has 2 children and my parents don't want to see that my money is going on them, which it understand from their perceptive, but my partner and I have said we should draw up wills so if anything was to happen to me, he my partner re-mortgages, it would go to my immediate family. I don't have kids at the moment but would like them in the future. My partner is a kind, decent man and I know he would do right by me. My parents just think he doesn't earn enough. He does have a good job, but I don't think my parents have a right to judge and I will not tell them how much he earns as it's none of their businessThanks for your advice. I just need to know how to deal with the parents. They are kind and wonderful and looking out for me, but it's putting me in an awkward situation!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2014): I strongly suggest you take some of your parents advise. You and your partner should agree exactly what you would expect to happen to your share of assets, in any event, and draw up a legal document that you both get independent advise on, and both sign. Then, there is no misunderstanding in the future, and it can be referred to if needed. One of my exes said if we broke up, he wouldn't take anything, he would leave it with me and our children. I had contributed a lot of money that I had saved, while he didn't have much. Our relationship broke down, and he wanted all he could get out of me, because he wanted to 'look good' for his new relationship. You have no idea what the future will bring, and it is a good idea, to have a legal document that details what you both agree on, and what is your separate property. Even if the document expresses your share of assets belong to your future children. If you don't to this, it is possible for example: that you die before your partner, he gains full ownership of the assets, and re-partners. Your partner could die and his new partner gains ownership, leaving your children with nothing. No matter WHO you own assets with, you should have a legal documents detailing what your intentions are regarding ownership, disputes etc.... even with the people you love the most in the world. These documents can prevent disaster in the future when there are misunderstandings or difference in opinion of how you remember what you agreed, or when you both can't remember. It is not necessarily a matter of ensuring you keep money separate, but rather, recording what you both agree to.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (19 March 2014):
 I agree with Sage for the most part.
I also thing sharing financial responsibility with someone who isn't your spouse can end up in a HUGE mess. (from a legal standpoint)
So what I WOULD do is talk to a solicitor. Have him draw up a document that CLEARLY states how much you BOTH contribute to the mortgage (let's say you have 25,000 and he "only" brings 10,000 to the table, in the event of a break up (or death) you would get YOUR share back and his ESTATE would get HIS share back. Let's also say that you pay 1,000 a month (just a number) and he pays 1,500 - that would be calculated into the numbers as well.
If you are willing to share a mortgage with a man who aren't married to AT LEAST cover you behind with a LEGAL and BINDING agreement so you won't end up having to give his kids 50% Of the value of the house or if you have a bad break up and he tries to pull a fast one. No matter how good a guy he is, doesn't mean you shouldn't protect your assets in a legal way.
What your parents want is less important. If you show them that you are NOT going to get hoodwinked, maybe they will find it easier to support your choice. But it really is up to you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 March 2014):
 I have been in your situation (successfully) and can offer this advice:
Make the purchase of the home a PARTNERSHIP.... (NOT dependent upon your's and his being romantic partners!).
Draw up a Partnership agreement - with all the necessary terms and stipulations to protect your's and his interests - and have that Partnership buy the house...
At least one of the stipulations MUST BE how you and he (the "partnership") will handle matters in the event of disagreement(s) and/or split-up...
It wouldn't hurt, as well, if you and he agreed upon ESTATE terms (make wills), as well.... Make certain that neither of you can escape the partnership on a whim... AND that there is built-in timing, such that neither of you can/will endure immediate distress (liquidation) if you and he choose to break up, or one of you dies....
Your parents are understandably concerned about your use of your money to be in this partnership.... but, I'll bet they will come in to agreement with you if you go about it as I've suggested... and they can see that you have responsibly kept the house purchase a little bit distant from your's and his "romance." MANY people (especially, women!) get "burned" in arrangements like this... since men often have the deeper pockets (resources) to outlast the lady in the event of failure of the romance/friendship.
Good luck...
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