A
male
age
30-35,
*r.dave
writes:My mother recently fell ill un-expectedly 3months ago and it has all just hit me all at once in the last few days and I feel really low at the moment and don't know how to deal with it.Any ideas?Thanks for reading. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dr.dave +, writes (21 November 2013):
dr.dave is verified as being by the original poster of the question Wow you've just managed to say just some of the feelings I have Sleepless nights, tons of coffee, racing from work to the hospital, fast meals, and panicking every-time your phone goes off, how you managed that I don't know but they are there along with other feelings, feelings of failing, low-ness pushing people away and the main one keeping it all in, feeling "I have to keep strong for everyone else", and that why I found this site in the hope of letting it out, new people, new voices and new shoulders, thank you all so very much for your kind words of help support and advice. God bless you all.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2013): You can only hang in there the best you can.
It's a lot to take in when you don't have a degree in medicine; and you see so many emergency procedures happening all over the place. It's confusing, terrifying, and exhausting.
The mind continues to race, while the body begins shutting down; because it has been pushed to it's limits. I know the feeling. Sleepless nights, tons of coffee, racing from work to the hospital, fast meals, and panicking every-time your phone goes off. Sound familiar?
Take a break to catch your breath. You need time to decompress from all the tension. Sitting vigil and watching over her takes a lot of emotional energy.
Trying to understand the medical terminology, watching one thing happen after another. You don't want to see that happen to your own mother. You're a ball of nerves, and your mind is tired of trying to process all of this. That's why it hit you all at once. Then keeping up a strong face for everyone around you. You have to be a pillar of strength through it all.
Talk to your own doctor. You might need a sedative to relax and just take a moment to recharge. A good meal, a good night's sleep, and a change of atmosphere (away from hospital wards); will give you a fresher perspective.
You need a little distraction; so your mind doesn't overload. Sit at home for a few hours to regroup your thoughts. get in a little exercise.
You can deal with it. You just need some rest. Please see your own doctor. Trust me, he or she will tell you almost the same thing I've said above; you need a little attention for yourself.
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A
male
reader, dr.dave +, writes (21 November 2013):
dr.dave is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thank-you all for your kind and thoughtful responses, as you can tell I'm finding it pretty hard to come to terms and deal with the situations as it all happened so quick with no warning what so ever, it was a case of she went to her GP and then 1wk later had to go for a MRI scan and was then diagnosed with an aneurysm on her brain, had to stay in hospital for 1wk then went home for 1wk, went to another hospital and was there a week and then they operated (succecssful removal of aneruysm) and then the morning after she had a major bleed on her brain which resulted in a stroke and her being in the Intensive Care Unit for a couple of weeks and then being moved from one hospital to another onto another, all this from the middle of August and its only now in the last 1-2weeks its hit me and now I feel I can't deal with it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 November 2013):
 Hugs...
I lost my mom to cancer when I was 35 years old. I had less than a year from diagnosis till her death to process all of this. That was 18 years ago.
NOT a day goes by I do not miss my mother.
YOU are so young to have an ill mother. I am hoping she will recover. There is nothing as sad as a motherless daughter.
We as women feel the loss of our mothers at any age but to lose one at such a young age is horrible.
IF you have had to become her caretaker that too takes a toll... we are not able to see our parents as needy...
PLEASE feel free to PM me if you wish to discuss it in private
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (20 November 2013):
 I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. One of the things that really sucks about growing up is that we have to deal with the realization that our parents are indeed mortal. My mother suffered ill health for at least the last 15 years of her life, so I know how you're feeling.
A couple of suggestions.
- First, spend as much time with her as you can manage. Learn how to be of help with whatever condition she's afflicted with so you can take your place as one of her caregivers;
- Of course you and we hope and expect that she will get better. Regardless of whether she's ill or well, manage your relationship with her so that when the day does come that she's no longer with you you'll have no regrets;
- Take advantage of your friends to vent, cry or whatever you need to do. That keeps you emotionally healthy, which in turn helps her.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2013): It is tough when the lady who took care of you all these years falls ill. You're used to her giving you comfort and reassurance.Now flip the script and reverse roles. Be at her side as much as possible. Giver her your love and strength to draw upon, to speed up her recovery. You don't mention her illness; but it must be serious to last three months. It's awful to see her in pain; and feeling helpless and not knowing what you should do. It's best you show her you are okay, and keep her smiling. Don't be depressed, you have too much work to do. That being, keeping her spirits high. She's the one not feeling well. If she knew you were down, it would make her only feel worse. You know how mums are, they can read our faces. Keep her comfortable. Let her see your smile when you're in the room. I know it's tough. I've been there too. Take a walk. Get fresh air and sunlight. If you have faith, stop by your church, mosque, or synagogue; and say, or get a prayer. Reach out to the rest of your family to get a little bit of an energy boost. It really helps.My heart reaches out to you, although you're many miles away. I'll say a prayer.Just hang in there.
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