A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in my 20s and have recently started seeing a guy 20yrs my senior. We have been friends for years prior to dating each other. He is stable, but not wealthy, and I have a good job and support myself - I am not looking for a sugar daddy relationship. My problem is three-fold; How do I stop negative comments about the age difference, how do I tell my family about this relationship without them freaking out, and how do I deal with his children?When we are out together, people frequently mistake me for his daughter, and when they find out we are a couple, feel like it is perfectly acceptable to make negative comments about our relationship. What is a polite way to stop these remarks?My family live overseas, and while I have told them I am seeing someone, I haven't mentioned his age. They are soon comming to visit and meet him. Should I warn them about the age gap first (and if so, how) or just introduce them when they are here?Also, he has two middle school aged children. I have known his kids for years, since we have been friends, and the kids and I get on great. I realise his kids will always come before our relationship, and I don't mind. To best explain the problem - the other night we took the kids out to dinner. He went to the bathroom and me and the kids were at the table. The kids started goofing around and when he came back he told them off and asked me why I hadn't intervened. I didn't say anything to the kids as I felt I would be overstepping my boundries to tell his children off. OF course, I would have said something if they were doing anything that could result in someone getting hurt, but, as I am closer to their age than to his, it still would have felt awkward, and I'm not sure how to deal with them in future situations like this? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, thomas1214  +, writes (28 March 2011):
OK forget what that other person answered and think about it like this. your 20 he's 40. your 30 he's 50. your 40 he's 60. your 50 he's 70... catch my drift?
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (28 March 2011):
 Ok, question 1 first:
1. Other people's comments - simply say in a polite manner that you have a great relationship and are very happy together, therefore unless they have something constructive to say then you would rather they kept their opinions to themselves.
2. Your family - I suggest you tell them first. I think it would be too much of a shock when they see him so at least explain a bit about his age, how you met, how your relationship is etc. Give them time to digest the information and let it sink in - chances are they will freak out and wont be happy about it, but that is what you get for dating someone so much older than you. Your family will just want to protect you, and it is hard as a parent to understand why their little girl would want to date someone so much older. So be prepared for a lot of anger and upset - but you started dating this man so you should be prepared for all the negativity surrounding such a big age difference. If you wanted a nice simple relationship where you get no negative comments and your family approve, then you would have never started dating him in the first place.
3. Children - talk to your partner about it. Explain to him how you feel, say everything you said on this post and make it clear that you dont feel comfortable intervening in situations like this. This should mean that you have a discussion about boundaries with regards to his kids, and you can agree on what you will and will not do in terms of discipline etc, then you will both be happy.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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