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How do I deal with a fiance who makes me feel stupid?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 April 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 19 April 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi how do I deal with a fiance who makes me feel thick and cannot do things properly this morning I was putting the washing machine on I was just about to put the powder in the drawer he walked over and took it off me and said he would do it i told him I would do it he's used the washer maybe twice we've been together 4 years I asked why he said to stop the drawer getting clogged he has done this numerous times with other things what do I do

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (19 April 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHave you spoke to him about this? It could be many reasons he is doing it.

1. It annoys him the way you do things so he is taking over.

2. He may think you are not doing it correctly or in this example you are using to much powder, or he may think you are clumsy.

3. He may want to help more around the house but he doesn't really know how to.

4. He may feel down in himself and he is taking his frustrations out on you.

The bottom line here is you need to talk to him and tell him how YOU feel.

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A female reader, Caring Aunty A Australia + , writes (17 April 2017):

Caring Aunty A agony auntI think he feels frustrated and worried with how you do things and takes over to prevent unnecessary breakages or extra work, extra expense. Problem with that is you don't learn to do things better or perhaps properly?

If you know you are a clumsy person I wouldn't take offence when he gets impatient as it can be most frustrating for the other person if this is clumsiness regularly happens... However you could ask him to show you or say things much nicer to you. That way you're more open to receive information and want to please him.

I believe you know how to fill a drawer with the right amount of Laundry powder to prevent it from clogging. All he needs is reassurance to see you got it right, that problems don't come about by over doing it.

Here you'll have to be the clever person to calm his stupid worries.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (16 April 2017):

Simply tell him that you don't appreciate his condescending attitude. If he wants to help, just help. Firmly inform him, that on any occasion that you decline his help; you want him to please back-off. That's not just a suggestion, you mean it.

People sometimes need you to set boundaries in order for them to know what lines not to cross. If he's always doing it, it's because you've always allowed it.

If you firmly demand he not treat you like an idiot; maybe he'll stop. Say it like you mean it.

Look him dead in the eyes, and don't say another word. Gain his respect, and stand your ground. If you have no respect, you have no relationship. Trust and respect are two ingredients you can't leave out of a successful relationship. No matter what kind of relationship it is!

If you know you are clumsy, absent-minded, or awkward; don't be too proud for his help. Help or assistance should only be offered respectfully and with kind-intent. Accept help only if it is given lovingly. Tell him if he offers it that way, you'll be more receptive and appreciative. Treating you like you're stupid makes him an assh*le, not your savior or hero!

Feel free to quote me!

Sometimes frustration and anger will build-up when there are constant blunders. People do get tired of cleaning up a mess after you. Think, then react or execute! Be mindful when doing things. Check and recheck again for quality-control! It demonstrates your diligence and intellect.

If it's to make you feel stupid, and you will know that's the motive behind it; then it's time to re-access your relationship and where it's going. It's time for a sit-down and serious discussion.

I said discussion, not an argument; or a tearful plea!!!

Whiny timid people get walked-on. It's when you have a backbone that people take you seriously. Sometimes you have to fake-it; even if your knees are trembling. Been there and done that!

You can't change him, but you can modify his behavior. If you can't reason with him; then it's time for him to go.

If that's not an option, then quietly allow him to insult your intelligence. No action on your part means it's okay!

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A female reader, mad stacey United Kingdom +, writes (16 April 2017):

He may not even realise what he's doing or how he's making you feel so have a conversation with him you have been together a while so having tho conversation should be easy if not then there are serious deep seated issues

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