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What should I do to end this flirting and just be friends?

Tagged as: Flirting, Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 April 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 19 April 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:


I want advice on how can I end this sexting/fwb and come on friendly terms with a close friend.

I really like my friend and we slept twice in 2 years so I would not call it a fwb situation. Just that we both live in different cities and really busy with work and travel and that's why we never took it forward. He knows I have feelings and he confessed he feels the same and would've asked me out if we both lived in the same city.

He comes to my city often but he is with a friend or colleague and is supposed to go back the same day. He has always told me about his plans. So I stayed back for him twice in his city and he didn't even show up. He said he would but he can't help it. Work meeting. I believe him because why would he make plans and text me often if he wanted out. I confronted him and he said the only reason was work and nothing else. He didn't even open my Msgs for days till I msgd him again. Seems like he doesn't care. I was so hurt I stayed back and he cancelled on me and NEVER APOLOGIZED. He knew I was in tears. No response.

Any way, things were back to normal again and he used to initiate conversations and was always there as a support. We used to sext often and he always said he can't wait to meet up or even catch up if not sex.

Last week he was in my city for a wedding and we were talking the entire time and he told me he can't wait to meet me. But he llied about where he was. I saw it in a mutual friend's snapchat. When I confronted him, he didn't reply. Why would he lie if he is in my city and talking to me and still lying about where he is? I never chased him to meet me.

I know he is single. We have been close friends for years. I don't know why he lied. Sure, he never made efforts or will make efforts like I did but why lie? I was so pissed off, and he didn't even reply or apologize. My last msg to him was asking him to get lost.

Now that I see this, I think all those excuses about work were lies. He never cared! It was always me who msgd to make things normal. I always apologized for reacting but he never did. I don't think it was harsh for me to ask him to get lost when he didn't reply to me!!

I can't make a fool of myself anymore. What should I do to end this fwb /flirting thing we have and come back on friendly terms. I don't want it to turn ugly. He didn't make any effort to msg me. It's been a week! I want to let him know this thing is over.

View related questions: flirt, text, wedding

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (19 April 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHe lost respect for you when you both slept together and now he is enjoying the attention he gets from you and is stringing you along. End this friendship, it is one sided and he is only going to keep hurting you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2017):

I believe he is a total ass.

No one has the right to project a lie that they have the same feelings as you !! However nasty self righteous people often do .

When you say you have feelings you are essentially telling that person I'm on the same page it's just distance that doesn't get us together .

Friends don't lie to friends . Friends don't ignore .. friends don't apologise if they Hurt you in fact any one decent person doesn't do all those things . So go figure ?? He's not decent and he's not a friend ..

And honey he is none of these .

His silence says it all . You have already told him to go .

So why do you want a liar who you don't trust . Who doesn't value your feelings .. your time or anything .. why want him in your life .

Leave him be and do not contact him . You are well rid .

The same whether he was male or female . You have not asked for to much other than to give someone else power over your life, who uses you as a standby . Don't be anyone's standby .

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (16 April 2017):

You know you're not in a relationship; yet you keep demanding things only a full-fledged exclusive relationship requires.

It appears he still sees the connection as casual and for the sake of sex. Just because you told him you have feelings doesn't change the dynamic of the friendship. To keep sex on demand, what choice would he have but to agree he has feelings too? He has never put the option on the table to change things.

You're stuck. You won't be free until you decide to let it go and search for a relationship with someone on the same page.

He lied to protect your feelings; which he shouldn't have to do. Besides, it doesn't matter; because you are not in a mutually-committed relationship. Where he goes, what he's doing, or who he's with; is none of your business. Same goes for you.

Easy remedy. End it, move on, and forget about your official announcement. He has already come to that conclusion, as affirmed by his silence. Take a hint!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2017):

It seems simple to just be mates with this guy if you meet up just don't have sex and if he sext you just don't reply and if he questions it then tell him you only want clean convo from now on ....and look for someone to be with and have a relationship with ...

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