How do I date someone at some point when a male friend still likes me?

A female age 51-59, anonymous writes:

So I have chatted casually to Andy, same age as me, 2 kids too in the pub for a couple of months, just amongst others too. A few months ago i met a guy, Jack, 8 yrs younger than me in there and we txt most days, just asking if we've had a good day. Nothing more. But we spoke a couple of months ago and i said i wouldn't date him. He has no children and now n then does drugs, around his friends house, not in the pub or anywhere near me. Not someone i would date. Anyway, Andy knows this Jack, just in the pub, and even though Andy likes me, and we have spoken on the phone a few times lately and ive been to his for a cuppa, he says he cant get with me cuz of Jack, but really likes me. He doesn't care about anyone else in the pub, just Jack. And doesn't wanna upset him. I said but he knows nothing will be happening between us, but still wanted to stay mates. But Andy is worried its going to upset Jack. I told Jack i went to Andys for a cuppa in a casual txt message when he asked if i had a good day last week. I dont keep things from people and dont like secrets. And its not like i owe Jack anything! He's just a mate. What do i do? Jack knows i wont date him, but like Andy said, he will be gutted if he muscles in. But does that mean ive got to never get with anyone cuz Jack will always be gutted???? Its almost like people in the pub think i am Jacks property, yet we have told them more than once there has never been anything but mates going on between us! But i dont think people believe us.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008):

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