A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dont really know where to start, I'm 26 cant really say i have had a 'proper' relationship until i met the guy i've been with for just under a year now. Throughout my life i've had various problems which have caused emotional/borderline-mental problems. I'm quite good at analysing myself hence the above paragraph lol, i find it really hard with relationships of any sort and cling to people. Basically... my question is, this guy i've been seeing has been trying to cheat on me (texting girls he's met online etc). I've called him out on it before and its happened again so i know the right thing to do is to end it. The thing is even though i knew he was upto something again, i would have put up with it if i didnt have concrete proof. I've never felt so happy; having someone make me feel like they love me (i'm not an idiot, i know he couldnt have done the if he truly loved me). I just cant bare to go back to my life before him, i feel so desperate and needy, i have a very limited social life and therefore dont reall feel any sort of 'onwards and upwards' scenario. I suppose this is prob something everyone just learns to deal with, but like i said, i suppose i'm going through my first real break up! I dont know even if i,m looking for an answer or just maybe to here other peoples opinions / experiences. Thanks for listening. x
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female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (3 March 2010):
 Aw you are so similar to me. I have frequently stayed in relationships that weren't the best for me because of fear of being alone. I also don't have friends or much of a social life outside of my boyfriends. So of course when I have one I cling and make them my life. The only problem is when they are gone you feel like you have nothing. Like I have been constantly told- you shouldn't need a man to make you happy. Also- you should be able to be alone and shouldn't depend on anyone to be happy. And another one- you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. All crap you don't want to hear, I know, but all true. It is hard as hell to get over a break up alone. Not only are you dealing with the loss of a love and everything about him, but you feel like you have nothing else to turn to. You need to keep busy. I'm not sure how many friends you have or how you are with your family, but surround yourself as much as humanly possible with other people. Sitting around alone right away you will just dwell on it and feel more depressed. I also got more into video games and watching new tv shows. It keeps your mind off of things because you can be distracted for a little while. Focus on your work and things to better yourself. After one particularly bad break up I went through, I picked myself up, got a new job, and started school again. It truly made me feel much better and like I didn't need someone else to make me happy.
I really hope you are not considering staying with him out of the fear of life without him. I haven't been cheated on before but honestly that is one thing I would have to get over my fear of being alone for. You know how strong you will feel when you tell him "you are an ass and I can do better"? You will get respect for yourself. You will love yourself more. Letting someone treat you like dirt really has a negative effect on your self esteem, obviously. Stand up for yourself. Know that you will be okay, because you really will. And it is your first breakup, they are definitely the hardest. They are always going to be hard but it gets easier after this atleast. And you will meet the one even if it doesn't feel like that now. It took me a year and a half to meet someone after my first break up. But finally I did and he was really 10 times better for me. Then when that ended, I met another guy who was a bit better. And then when that ended I am where I am at now, with an amazing guy. With each person you will learn something and take it with you. Each mistake made will help you find out what you are really looking for in a person and what you need. It is all a learning experience and everything happens for a reason. Even though I didn't get it or want to understand it at the time when I was going through my first break up, it definitely happened for a reason. You will get past it all in time. You are stronger than you think. Dump the loser and start healing. One day you will meet a great guy and wonder why the hell you were upset over this one. If you want someone to talk to you can always email me on here. Even talking to someone online can help if you have no one else to turn to. So dump him. Move on. And I wish you the best of luck.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 March 2010):
Well all for you saying you have problems, you're one of the first people on here who is actually thinking logically and clearly about it all. Usually when it comes to cheating people like to think it will go away, or that they can give second or third chances. But you have seen that you have given him a first chance, and a second and now he has blown your trust away. You are right, the right thing and the best thing to do is break up. Though you've never been so happy, imagine how much happier you could be if you met someone who actually did love you and didn't do what your boyfriend is doing. When I went through my first break-up, I just threw myself into my own life. I focused on work, I focused on the few friends I had at the time, and just really worked on myself. And I think that's what you need to do. You need to spend time on your own life. Focus on yourself. Live for yourself. Easier said than done, I know. But you've come this far, so you can go further. Focus on yourself, and really work out what you want from lie. Good luck.
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