A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:m pretty sure the 3 months we had he used me.He wanted sex with me WAY too soon, said all the sweetest things In the world. we did fun stuff together and he called me every day. Then i started to notice he went out ALOT (and without asking me or telling me) I spoke to him about it that i was not feeling well that he did not tell me and he was getting druk every weekend i didnt even know!i mean you dont have to take me with you, but you could at least tell right? ofc he did not understand and acted like i was a total weirdo.but then it went downhill and he was less interested only wanted to see me when he was feelling like it, not when I wanted to see him. He acted different when with his friends (total jerk)He even admitted his exes never confronted him with his behaviour because they where insecure so he was not used to my 'whining'When I wanted to talk about is flirty behaviour he snapped and screamed at me (telling me I was crazy and acted like we where married).He dumped me because I was feeling down about how thing where going and that I wanted to see him sooner for just a moment (eat with him or something) he snapped jelled at me hung up the phone ignored me, and then he dumped me telling how weird I was.my friends dont believe me (that he used me) It hurts. and he never REALLY loved me at all.But it hurts even more that all my friends have this little attitude like PFFF shes so over reacting, and then they hang out with HIM.?!He already had 2 other girlfriends after he dumped me.+ he was my first in everything so that makes it double hard.how to deal with both?help? :(Im so angry, MEGA insecure, and so alone!I ALWAYS believed id never find someone,im not the prettiest girl,im really insecure,and when I finally did,i fell for him too soon, and he was just using me.when I hang out with my friends Hes there.We go to the same school.same bus ride.etc..how do I cope?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): Wow, you are a stong girl. And it comes to you naturally. Hold onto that, despite your doubts about yourself. Seriously, not a lot of people can do that, and even with effort it's hard.
I say you are strong because you know what you wanted from him and from the relationship, and you stuck by it. He tried to weasel himself out of it, he tried to confuse you by getting angry and calling you names/categorizing you, but you stuck with it. He even said it himself, that no one has confronted him in the past, so good for you!
Be strong and believe in yourself, too. Cutie 15010 got it right, you are beautiful, never say you are not. But we can all go on and on and lecture you about confidence, but this is something you're going to have to work on and realize yourself.
And finally...I agree with the others, you just really have to let this situation go. I like what Petinal said, that you just have to understand that it happened and you have to let it go. Don't let your friends undermine your confidence with their lack of support and disbelief, but there is some truth to it if you are getting stuck on this.
The straight facts: you wanted a more meaningful relationship and you had expectations. DO NOT apologize for wanting that, do not feel bad for wanting that.
The problem is that he didn't have those same expectations. You can't help what you wanted, he can't help what he wanted. If he lied and led you on, then yes, shame on him.
But what else can you do? Once you realize you are on different pages, then you have to turn around and walk away. It's hard, sure, if you really liked him, but like I said, what can you do? If you take too long getting stuck on this, or if you try to make him be on the same page as you --well that's when you would be in the wrong.
Continue to be strong, stick with your beliefs and what you want in life. Seriously, you confronted him and you didn't let him get away with it. Don't let his name calling get to you, he's trying to blame you when you did nothing wrong. Ignore him when you are at school, he's not worth it, you are the strong one who stood up to him, he's the one who panicked and broke up with you because you weren't going to stand around and take his crap. Hold your head high and smile.
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): First of all. Do NOT ever say ur not pretty. Ur downright gorgeous and any guy would be lucky to have you. I have messed up several times myself coz i had the same approach in life. Bt trust me. The moment you believe that guys want you coz ur so good half the harm you may do to urself in the future will disappear. :)
now on to ur problem. Well i agree since he was ur first it will be hard. But life goes on and we always progress. So rest assured that somethin better is waitin for u :) u do nit need to even acknowledge his presence. If he thinks ur goin to be miserable without him then u shud prove him wrong!!! Dress up for urself. Look ur best and put on a smile even if u dont feel like it. Trust me. Its goin to kill him! And dat satisfaction will heal u :)
i know it doesnt sound like d kinda comfortin words u wud wanna hear at dis point bt trust me. It works wonders :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): Well...most guys are only interested in having sex when they first start dating a woman...they can be a good guy or a bad guy, but how the woman responds is what makes the diff. You cited that you are insecure about yourself and being that way made it even more possible for him to take advantage of you because, ppl that are insecure tend to fall for the "oke doke" fairly quickly...granted you are still very young and inexp. in the arena of dating, guys and relationships.
Learn to cultivate more security, more self esteem within yourself, more confidence...a healthy confidence...NOT ego. Learn more about dating by purchasing relationship books offline at Amazon.com, get more into the Law of Attraction and The Secret and learn how to cleanse your subconscious mind so you can attract all that you desire into your life. There are three books in particular that I would like for you to read and they are as follows:
1. Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov
2. Why Men Marry Bitches by Sherry Argov
3. Power of the Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy
Please update me on the status of this situation and feel free to ask any questions. CHOW!
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (16 December 2010):
 You just need to get it in to your mind set that it happened and now it's over and y ou have to let it be. It was a new 'quick ' relationship, it fizzled out, thats as simple as it gets. You may have come on too strong for what he wanted because you expected more. I wouldnt think that he used you in that sense but i would say he's not ready for the amount of commitment you are seeking, intentionally or otherwise. All you can do is to just carry on and focus with your day to day life and get over him. Put it down to experience. Analyzing it will not get you anywhere.
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