A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I was dating someone in a long distance relationship but she called it off months ago. The fact is we really like each other so have kept in touch as friends. I have been very patient and only recently discovered the real reason she wanted to call it off. She has had a LDR before and broke up because she worried too much about her boyfriend at the time meeting someone local and breaking her heart.I have been honest and told her my intentions - to get to know each other and start a serious relationship. What can I say to put her mind at rest and start dating again?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 January 2013):
 You are only 150 miles apart, you find it doable (and at 150 miles it’s VERY doable at your age) and yet she says she can’t do it.
With 150 miles between you, have you considered if you want a serious relationship one will have to move (or both will have to move and commute).
I did an LDR with us being 100 miles apart. IT was hard. It was NOT cheap. And within a year of us being together he gave up his job, his apartment, his life and he moved down to be with me.
IF she is afraid you will meet someone local, I’m afraid you can’t do much to change her fears… Do you talk daily, do you see each other at least twice a month? If not could you set those things up.
Our routine once we got serious: I would call him every morning at 8 am (I got up earlier and went to work before him) He asked me to call him for his “morning wake up call” sometimes it was only a 30 second call…. We would email during the day most days… occasionally we would have phone calls. We were not texters so we didn’t use texting. After work, I’d go home and sometimes we would have a dinner time phone call but usually nothing till my bedtime (much earlier than his) and I would call him for my “bedtime tuck in” that call could be anywhere from 2 minutes to 2 hours….. and then pretty much every Thursday night (if I took a full day on Friday) or Friday afternoon (worked in the morning) I would get in the car and drive the 2 hours to be with him. Cost: gas was not cheap, wear and tear on the car, leave from work and tolls. OMG our EZ PASS auto deduct is now 25 dollars every 3 months back then it was $150 dollars every 3 weeks…. LDRS are NOT cheap. Even if you are close.
Do you think she would be receptive to LDR if you had a goal to not be LDR within 6-9 months? Is that what you want?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): I posted the question orginally. We met just over a year ago because our parents are from the same town, and we met in a bar when out with friends. We have had lots of dates since then. We live 150 miles apart, so could be 'do able'.
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A
female
reader, MissEllouiseGreen  +, writes (14 January 2013):
Long distance relationships are hard. I have been in one where I dated someone for a year and a half, we lived in different countries and we only met physically after eight months of dating. Long distance relationships come with the crazy time differences and trust issues and missing and longing of the other person.I know that they can be time consuming, difficult and emotionally exhausting. I also know that if you feel about her the way I felt about him that darling nothing any of us can say will change your mind. I commend you because they are harder then most "typical" relationships. But I also want you to know that you cannot spend the whole relationship reassuring someone else. She has to be secure in herself and in you as a couple because otherwise you will find yourself with trust issues and these can ruin even the best of long distance relationships. The best advice I can offer you is to write to her. Love letters, a simple post card, a couple pictures or even your jumper with your cologne on it will make her feel like she has a part of you even though distance separates your bodies it can never separate two hearts. I wish you both nothing but the best.Sincerely Miss Ellouise Green
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 January 2013):
Have you ever even met her? If not I don't see what you're fighting for. LDR's are difficult, why are you beginning a relay that way?
I'd reserve them for when you've been with someone for long enough to know you want to be with them but circumstances take you apart temporarily.
Even then things can be difficult, but at least you have a foundation to work from.
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