A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ok please can i get advice on what to do.i recently found out ive been played by a guy i thought was a genuine sincere friend. I thought he cared about me as i did him but discovered recently that hes used me and hes also a liar. hes lied over practically everything. im so hurt as i thought he was a true friend.i did an application for a move to anothere team recently-i didnt want to go as i dont like the look of it. he only got through on the strength of the application i did.now hes there its like i dont exist he barely rings and keeps going on about how great it is even though my good friend has told me how people on her team think hes a knob. shes already told me hes a selfish ugly pig but im so hurt with his behaviour. how do i play this cool. he says he will keep in touch but i need tips on how to look the bigger person please advise me
View related questions:
liar Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aura Answers You! +, writes (14 January 2011):
Dear,
Let this friend go ... and then you will be the bigger person because you will be so happy that he will be the butt of your friendship jokes... We all been there... let him go my dear it is hard because you care for him Wrapp him up and put him in a box and leave him there... He'll want to come back but will be so too late that your heart would be heading or already in another direction...
Take everyday as it comes and think of what he did to you so you remember and that is how you keep him out of your life but not forever, it's just until you adjust your heart and how you feel about him and then he will be just another person that was once in your life and there will be no room for him init again...
A
male
reader, Kilcardy  +, writes (14 January 2011):
I would just let it be. Chalk it up to experience. Don't focus on him - which is what you'd be doing if you sit around and try to figure out how to approach him. If you see him, treat him like you would any other acquaintance and don't spend time on him. What you need to focus on is strengthening your screening process; that is, making sure those people you let in are worthy. Have standards that are deal-breakers. If those lines are crossed, then boot the transgressor to the curb. That means having to seriously think about your standards, and what you will and will not put up with. I'm sure there were red flags in your relationship with this guy, but you just ignored them. That's not a criticism, it's simply pointing out that it's easy for trusting souls to overlook things that in reality shouldn't be overlooked. Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 Sorry to hear this happened to you.
I believe you have to be the bigger person, but that very much means not consciously trying to be it. If you try hard to "look the bigger person", you'd only be acting, and what you really need is to "be" the bigger person, whether anyone notices or not.
Are you sure you can't face the man and demand an explanation? Very probably he won't give one. Or he'll try to scream or whatever. Don't lose your temper if he does. The point is to make it known that you know what happened.
After that, whether he gives an explanation or not, you should stay away from him in all senses. I know it hurts that he doesn't call or the like, but this is the best outcome for you. Being near him means being used and lied to. Your refusing to be a victim is how you can be the bigger person. Think of it those Hindus on the movie "Gandhi", refusing to lift a hand to attack those who were beating on them.
Wish you the best.
...............................
|
