A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello people, right so I think my girlfriend might be in the closet, or bi, or maybe just a free spirit, i don't know, let me explain. I know she's had 3 experiences with girls before but she always describes them as "just naughty" or play things, her words not mine. Whenever she's drinking she always starts taking about the girls she's been dancing with and pulling them and then laughs it off, recently she confessed that she'd love to go on a date with a girl. She's made a couple of new friends using apps recently and one of them is a lesbian and ever since she's come into the picture, she's been obsessed with talking to her and arranging a meet up "when they're ready" gone a a health kick to look perfect, and I'm not saying I'm irresistible and whatever but there has been a distinct lack of interest in me and my member, which I get things can change and sparks can fade a little. Here's the thing,I know she's got some homophobia ingrained in her from her families strict believes in it being wrong, she once said to me that it wasn't normal to marry and women and it would only be normal to marry a man. I guess, I don't know, I'm worried for her, I don't want her to be having an internal battle, be unhappy, and not be who she is, if she's bi, or lebsian, how do I approach the situation and let her know like it's okay? Or am I just reading to much into it? What do you guys think?
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male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (19 July 2023):
 Sounds like she does not know what she wants, by sounds of it she does not sound overly interested in you, but more interested in the opposite sex.
Whether its a male or female its still wrong to be going on dating apps and wanting dates with other people.
Are you prepared to carry on in this relationship playing second fiddle to whoever she is wanting to date next?.
By your own admission you say she is not interested in you or your member. So how is any of this ok?
I would ask her outright what does she want, and does she actually envisage a future with you.
A
female
reader, TryingToBeFree2023 +, writes (19 July 2023):
 It's OK to be lesbian, bi, ace, straight or anything in between. If she's in the closet (and doesn't seem to want to come out at all nor see herself in a long term relationship or romantic relationship with a woman), but meeting online to try dating and has done sexual things, then that is NOT ok. You can't be "selectively out" (that's still mostly closeted). You are not a good person if you're using people for sex or sexual/dating experience. You are especially wrong if you're SUPPOSED to be in a committed relationship with someone who isn't ok with polygamous relationship. She wants the best of both worlds. Dump her, cut her off from friendship bc she isn't a friend either, she's selfish
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 July 2023):
 Why would you be OK with her getting on apps and meeting other people to "meet up with"?
I don't understand you at all.
If this "lesbian" was a dude would you still be OK with it?
To me, it sounds like she wants the "comfort" of dating you and cheating in the future with a woman.
If she is Bi, so what? It doesn't give her the "right" to cheat - if she is a lesbian, she is just stringing you along.
Sounds like you both got a lot of growing up to do.
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