A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi I wanted some tips for coping with an ex-partner when he comes to see the kids, Its been 2 months since Ive thrown him out(for cheating) and even though I dont love him anymore, I hate it when he comes round I just feel such hatred for him and hurt. I know Ive got to put these feelings aside for the sake of my kids, but it is so difficult.Ideally I want him to get his own flat at the minute hes staying in one room in a shared house at least then the kids could go to stay with him, I dont trust him to take them out anywhere cause hes a drinker and would always end up taking them to the pub afterwards.Also I dont want his girlfriend to have anything to do with them its a total nightmare situation any tips on dealing with the situation would be welcome. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2007): Thank you for so much for your answers sometimes I feel like I am going mad I think I will look into supervised access. how can a person look after their kids properly if they are in a beer garden yakking to their mates, At the minute he comes round to see them and thats the way I want it to stay hes always trying to lay on the guilt trip saying he will take them on holiday, take them here and there, but hes got to prove hes responsible, he didnt think about his family while he was getting another woman pregnant on the sly, for the kids sake he can come round to see them but he will have to take me to court if he wants more than that.
A
female
reader, elsie +, writes (18 June 2007):
 your question bought back memories of my own situation.my ex was a cowardly weasel of a man.he cheated throughout my entire pregnancy and i went into labour 2months early from shock.you never really get over them cheating and believe me you have def.done the right thing here.your anger will eat into you for a while yet and i think rather than trying to forget it you need time to come to terms with it and unfortunetly this includes dealing with the boiling rage they leave behind.corny as it sounds the real healer is time and moving on with your own life.when you are ready you WILL meet someone new and this WILL be a horrible memory.theres nothing wrong with you needing time for yourself to deal with this.you say ideally youd like him to have his own place.but nothing about this man will EVER be ideal.he didnt change for you he wont change without you.i found that the fundamental selfishness stays very much with men like this.you probably will find hell expect the kids to fit into his plans.make sure you make the access visits right for them and yourself.i dont think its right him expecting the kids to visit him where he is??how can they or you relax with them being with strangers.anyone will understand that.if he a drinker you need to see a solicitor and tell them of your concerns.i think you will find you have a lot more going for you than you realise?as hard as it is try and hold on to your dignity where the g/f is concerned.have the pride not to show her she gets to you or youll only regret it later.it does sound like one bet would be to find out about supevised access until the kids and you fell more comfortable??all the best for the future let us know how it goes?
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (17 June 2007):
 I know totally how you feel about not wanting the girlfriend to have anything to do with the children as i am in the same situation but unfortunatly the law is not in our favour when it comes to this, so as hard as it is we just have to deal with it, as for him coming to the house you could always try polite hello for the kids sake and then make the most of the opportunaty to retreat to your bedroom and have some you time.
Take care.xx.
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