A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For the past 8years I've lived with my then boyfirend away from home however we split up 3months ago but neither of us can afford to move out. I'm tied into a job contract and ha to work 3months notice and my family live a 4hour drive away so for me to move back to family is impossible right now. The living situation is killing me. It's not a home. We split it in half but it's small and we still see each other in kitchen etc and my ex is being so nasty and he deliberately pushes my buttons and we just argue all the time. Our neighbours have complained as were arguing so much but we just cannot get along. We argued the other day about a wardrobe. He was supposed to move out last week but he said he changed his mind. I offered to pay the full rent (it would literally be my full wage) but he refused and if I move out I still have to pay my half of rent when I spoke to landlord and I cant afford to do that plus do a house share. I just cry all the time and feel I cant move on living like this. It feels like ripping off a plaster really slowly and the arguing is just not healthy and i hate going home and even when we've tried to be civil he will go out of his way to start an argument including shouting through my bedroom door if I try to walk away and I try not to bite back but it's so hard. I'm tired at work all the time because he will do stuff like play the tv really loud until early hours when he knows I have to be up at 6am and refuses to turn it down as he says it's his right and I ve stopped asking because I know if I do it will just end in arguments. How can we keep living like this.
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at work, move on, my ex, neighbour, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2019): He is becoming hostile and aggressive; and his behavior is now threatening and provocative. He won't back-down, even when you concede and submit. That is domestic-violence!
Your landlord is going to either throw you both out; or your neighbors are going to call the police. It's better if you would do it; if that's the only way to get peace, and diffuse your situation. Being protective of him, instead of seeking protection for yourself, is your problem. You don't want to get him into trouble. HE'S CAUSING THE TROUBLE!!!
The next time he corners you in a room and shouts through the door; call the police! Let them hear him through the phone! If you can't handle the rage and aggression, they can! If necessary, they'll remove him from the premises. At which point, you should file a complaint; and get an order of restraint, if you feel he has lost control.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. He's using aggression, and his level of abuse and intimidation is now crossing legal lines. You have to have the nerve to do it; otherwise, suck it up and tolerate it!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (2 November 2019):
 How long are you bound to the rent-contract?
If the landlord won't take you off the contract, then you are having to stay until your contract is over. Which SUCKS!
What I would do is start looking for jobs around the area where your family is at. Line up the end date of your rent-contract with your 3 months notice (by the way 3 months! notice on a job?, that's a LONG time)
In the mean time REGARD him as a stranger. DO NOT have conversations with him, you just share the same roof over your heads. If he gets nasty, WALK away.
If he tries to pick a fight and shout through your bedroom door, put on head phones. You don't HAVE to engage. Same with the TV thing. Set your phone to vibrate to wake you up and sleep with earplugs.
I agree that LOOKING for someone to take over YOUR rental contract and GET them approved by the land lord, and then look for another room share until your work contract is up.
He sounds like he is punishing you for ending it, by being a total dick. Which should make it EXTRA clear to you that breaking up was the right thing to do.
Make an exit plan. Simply.
1. See if you can find another tenant to take over YOUR rent share (talk to your land lord first and as if that is possible and what HE needs for that to happen).
2. If you can't have someone else take over your share, LINE up your work-notice with the end of your rental agreement, so you are CLEAR and free to get out of there.
3. TALK to your family. See if they can help. If not, if they can take you in when the work contract and rent-contract is over. While I get you don't WANT to move home, it might BE an option for you to get back on your feet again.
4. Look for job in the AREA you want to live, I say around where your family is because that way you will HAVE a support net too.
Get some earplugs/noise cancelling headphones.
Don't get into arguments with him. JUST walk away. EVERY time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2019): Get some ear plugs. Then try to speak to your ex and tell him that the relationship is over and that he is not helping himself move on by trapping you there. Tell him that you are going to speak with the landlord and terminate the tenancy early (your landlord may be ok if you find a replacement)
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (2 November 2019):
 In your shoes I would seek some legal advice as quickly as possible (I think you can get initial consultation free from CAB). Tell them your ex's behaviour is affecting your health (which is true) and ask them if there is any way out of your lease without incurring great costs. I am hoping you don't have long left to run on the lease if you have already been there 8 months (6 or 12 month terms for ASTs are standard).
Does your ex actually WANT you to move out or does he just want to make you "pay" for splitting up? I would suggest trying to find someone to take over what is left of your tenancy term IF your ex is agreeable and IF your ex would prefer you to be out of the property. Otherwise it sounds like he will just be a jackass to anyone trying to move in.
Once you are free of your half of the lease, you will have the money to find somewhere else to live. In the meantime, invest in good earplugs/noise cancelling headphones and keep out of the idiot's way as much as possible.
Some people say you don't really know someone until you live with them. My own experience has been that you don't really know someone until you split up with them. That is when they show their TRUE colours. At least you know you were right to split up with this idiot. Hold onto that thought for comfort.
Wishing you all the best.
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