A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been best friends with this girl for 15 years. She has been seeing the same guy for over 6 years. They met in Grade 9 and have been together ever since. She followed him to University, and they are currently in their 3rd year together.This guy treats her awful. He has mental issues, and has cheated on her several times but she has taken him back. He finally told her it was over (like he has various times in the past 6 years) last night, and we know that it's just going to continue with her going back to him. How can we let her know that this relationship has been destroying the incredible person that she is? She needs to know that there is so much more out there, but her friends and I feel as though she can't see that because she has been stuck in this relationship for so long that it has clouded her vision of reality. It really hurts to see a best friend being treated like this when you know she deserves so much better and will be so much happier and lead an incredible life if she steps away from him.Any suggestions on how her friends and I can help her see that this relationship is ruining the person we used to know would help!
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (15 December 2009):
 While you are at it, why don't you convince the other college girls that they should always use a condom, not smoke or drink and not overdo the suntans (although being from canada you might skip the last one).
People don't like to be saved from themselves. Maybe because it would be admitting they were wrong and everything they did is wrong and they wasted their time.
She invested a lot of time in this guy, give up now and it will all be wasted. Cake today only lasts a day but cake tomorrow, that can keep a man going forever! (Thanks Pratchett) She thinks he will change. She might someday see that he will not but when she does, she will have to accept that she wasted years of her life. That ain't easy.
Sorry, but if you read this forum it becomes clear that until people like her ask to be told the solution they themselves give (end it) then they just ain't ready. And as Anon says, the more you fight them, the more she will defend him. Explains a lot about voters really.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): I agree with CaringGuy, the more you tell her he's no good, the more she is gonna want to defend him. As CaringGuy said there isn't much else you can do other than be a good friend. Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 December 2009):
Simply put, you can't do a thing. When someone deludes themselves that much, all you can do is be there with the tissues for when it goes wrong again, which of course it will. Maybe she has self esteem issues, maybe she has personal problems at home that make her think she can't do better. Whatever it is, it will continue until she and she alone can see he is bad for her. So you just need to be a good friend and be there with the tissues.
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