A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been friends with a girl Lora, since we were both in grade 3. We instantly became best friends I always thought she was cute but never really thought about dating her because it felt weird. We hang out all the time and it had caused some problems for the both of us when it came to dating others. A few people we dated seemed a bit insecure about our friendship but we have remained friends anyways. We are both in relationships at the moment, I have been dating my gf for about 6 months and she has been with her bf (who is a jerk by the way) for about 3 months. Last weekend we all went out to a party to celebrate the end of the school year. Lora and her bf got into a fight in front of everyone and she stormed out really upset. I went out to comfort her. Lora asked if I could drive her home so I went back and told my gf that I had to take her home but I would be right back, she said if I left not to bother coming back. i tried to reason with her and say that I couldn't just leave Lora there upset. We ended up fighting and she left.After she left I took Lora home and we started talking about how her bf was very controlling and she said that my gf was an attention seeker. She said something along the lines of "I need a sweet guy like you." I felt really happy that she thought I was so sweet. When I went to leave I hugged her like I always do and it felt different, it felt like I didnt want to let her go. We ended up kissing and it was great. I ended up staying the night and we sat up all night talking. We both turned off our cell phones and just sat there cuddling and talking and it felt so good. BUT now I'm afraid, can we ever get past the just friends thing and have a real relationship or did we jsut screw up a life long friendship
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male
reader, dtg3  +, writes (29 April 2010):
It sounds to me like she has already taken that step out of the just friends zone. Though I cannot be certain of this. One thing I do know is that you must take control of this situation and speak to her.
If she see's you just as a friend and you want more, take heart. Perhaps it would be best to detatch from the friendship for a while and then slowly reintroduce yourself to after giving her time to miss you. After this period apart you could perhaps alter the dynamic of the friendship and get out of the friend zone.
However if you feel that perhaps you are not willing to risk the friendship then i would suggest that your feelings for this girl are merely a little screwed at the moment. Give it time and make sure you do not lead her on.
If she wants a relationship and you decide it is a bad idea, then you must strong in your convictions. I have been in similar situations and leaving the door open to a future relationship ever subconciously is not fair.
I believe you will only really find your answers through communication. May i recommned taking her out for a few drinks and then broaching the subject as she will relax after a few drinks and u may also become more confident in your convictions. Dont get wasted though!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): I think you guys are past being friends already...if you want it to progress into something more, you will have to confess to her and get serious at some point. Take it slow though and good luck
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A
male
reader, Uncle Chaos +, writes (29 April 2010):
 Hi,First off, I just want to state that I’ve never been in the situation you’re in right now. However, when I was in my final year at uni, a friend of mine had recently broken up with her boyfriend. We had been quite close friends for 3 years- there was nothing romantic about us - but one night we ended up kissing. We worked it out after a talking to just put it down to friendship and leave it as it was- just a kiss.Your situation is different to mine (obviously) but you need to think about some things.Shouldn’t your girlfriend be your best friend? Someone you can always tell your problems to, someone you can always confide in, someone who will always be there for you?To me a romantic relationship seems like a logical step.But having never been in this situation I can’t answer you in a way that I would like to.Think about the relationship you have- is it like the relationship between siblings, or is it something more?You need to ask yourself: Is it worth the risk?Take your time figuring this out- you need to be certain before you make a decision.I hope this answer helps.I wish you the best on whatever decision you make.Good Luck,UC
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