A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've known my boyfriend 12 years then we got together. I have a fear of losing my boyfriend because his ex (who was with for 4 years) messed with and is still messing with his head. She’s crazy, she stalks him and talks to friends and family about him…she tells everyone that he's a bad guy and that he doesn’t provide for his kid when he does. She gets everyone to feel sorry for her, so that she can get what she wants and everybody hates my boyfriend. She won’t stop calling him. In front of people she says lets just be friends then she’ll call him at night tell him he loves him and wants him and she’ll want him to go over and have sex with her. Then when he does, she sleeps with other guys and takes his money. She doesn’t work…she just stays home and smokes weed all day and she steals from her family. He knows she’s no good for him (he sees that now). He tells her to leave him alone and stop calling. He’s trying to better himself and stay away from alcohol and drugs and then she messes with him and wants to fall back into it. We just don’t know what to do…and it’s depressing me and him and stressing us both out. What can I do? I don't want to lose him.
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drugs, his ex, money, smokes Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): So she asks him to come over & have sex with her & he does it? Still?
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (30 January 2008):
 First of all, having a child. Her behavior is not appropriate for raising a child. Your boyfriend may have a chance to obtain custody. Actually a better than average chance. I sounds as if she may be borderline personality.
The problem is the abnormality. She's manipulative because of the "false" fear of abandonment. Her story will change and she'll do, not what's right but in her mind, what provides her with the desired result. people with this also develop and altered sense of self. If the real you is painful, why not create a new one that people won't hurt.
I'm telling you, the best thing is if she finds someone else, then she'll detach from your boyfriend and attach to the new one.
This is a very hard disorder to describe. If you take all areas of abnormal personality disorders. You have self centered, not taking responsibility, manipulative, depressive, attachment, anger, control, and the list goes on and on, but take a ribbon, tie it around all those, and there you have borderline. It has a piece of each area, multiple symptoms may show up at the same time, but may be just one. This is developed by a severe fear of being abanodned. Most of the time its an imagined fear, but it's still there. It hurts themselves and those they associate with. Good advice though, when she says something, even if you know it's complete BS, nod your head like you agree.
The best thing is psychiactric treatment for her. If she threatens to hurt herself, call 911, have her heald for a psyc eval. She won't go get help herself. To her she's right, the rest of the world is warped.
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A
female
reader, Sams_WonderWoman +, writes (29 January 2008):
 I agree with birdynumnums, if she takes drugs all day, and there are childred involved, your boyfriend has a good chance to get custody of his child. Have him call CPS so they can check on the situation.Then when he gets custody, I think she won't call as much. Have him change the phone number to an unlisted one. I think that your boyfriend is doing right by not using drugs and alcohol and trying to better his life. He surely don't need his ex calling all the time.You two should start praying about your situation. The Lord surely will help you in so many ways. Couples that pray together, stay together...and keeps outside interference from entering your relationship!! I hope the best for you two!God Bless you both!
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (29 January 2008):
 Hi
Sorry but there are still issues with his ex, and she does seem to have a certain amount of hold over him. You wont stand a chance in this situation, thats not rocket science.
Thats the downfall of getting involved with someone thats still connected emotionally with someone else. We have all done it!
In an ideal world, you will quit the relationship and wait til its sorted with those 2. But thats in an ideal world.
Until he isnt emotionally involved with her, she will always pull the strings and cause no end of trouble between you. Its a good game for her! I take it she knows about you?
People know deep down shes bad news im sure. If she is as bad as all that. If he is supporting his kids, and knows hes doing his best, he can hold his head up high and it doesnt matter what other people think really.
But him going round there when she clicks his fingers is a no no and leaves her in the driving seat. Only he can control that.
Its messy thats for sure and i know where you're coming from, because ive been there. Time is the only thing thats gonna sort it, along with him not letting himself be at her beck n call.
Its a nightmare isnt it!
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (29 January 2008):
 If she IS an unfit mother and is smoking all day long, you should consider him asking for custody of the child. Unfortunately, you are going to be tied to her through his child for life, so HE has to learn how to handle her.
If you are both answering the phone together at night, I would just stay on the phone with both of them. If I were you, I would make her my new best friend. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Might be worth a try!
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A
female
reader, Trinnity08 +, writes (29 January 2008):
 being in this situation is not nice ...i know . the best thing i can say to you ignore her if he does it for long enough she will eventually get bored if all else fails a restraining order could be needed. this would not affect him seeing his child xx good luck trinnity
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