A
female
age
41-50,
*ostlove76
writes:My question is how can someone take advantage of someone who has shown true loyalty and love towards them and they trample all over you like a doormat? We had been dating for about 4 months, initially things were really good. Then I would say after the first month and a half things started to change. Honestly, I feel like the ex-girlfriend came back into the picture. We talked about it and he denied any doubts about us working towards a relationship but as time went on things just began to unravel. The break up with the ex was told to me that when he was really down on his luck she wasn't there for him and he had been through this with her before and he just wasn't gonna go through this again. Now it leads to this I begin dating him at one of his lower points of his life and I am very established had been off the dating scene for about a year because of my own bad break up however all of my feelings had been resolved so I wasn't really looking to date, I was just focused moreso on me and my family. Then I met him as we begin dating we discussed a bit about him and how his last relationship ended and some about mine. I really felt as if he and myself could work toward having a serious relationship but o was I wrong. I would like to just ask how could you misuse and abuse someone that really has your back and you say that's what you are looking for just to get back on your feet to get back to the person who left you when you were at your lowest.
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female
reader, lostlove76 +, writes (24 January 2010):
lostlove76 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks to all I am usually a very level headed woman but this case has overwhelmed me. my ex played the role very well but as i read about rebound relationships and emotionally unavailable men I understand things a lot clearly now. However, I just wished I had done my research earlier because I had already let my guard down trying to achieve something with this damaged man that was unachievable. I only got a lot of heartbreak and pain but with that said I promise not to put anyone through this kind of heartache and confusion with a rebound thing in order to get pass being mistreated whether it was conscious or unconscious.
again thanx to everyone who tried to give me insight
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (24 January 2010):
 Some people cannot see that they are on the rebound and so they become emotional vampires.
He is still on the rebound. He was abandoned by a girlfriend and you came by and picked him up off the ground.
Now that he's getting steady on his feet, he's still full of regrets.
Its very hard to establish a loving and affectionate relationship with someone coming off a huge breakup unless he or she is prepared to focus on someone else.
That's hard because this other woman whoever she is, is in his heart and he can't ignore her or specifically her "ghost".
The only thing you can do with him is point this out to him, show a great deal of empathy and support, but protect yourself from a possible breakup if he doesn't pull out of it.
If he can recognize that you're the one to focus his attention and affections on, and that you are there loyalty and all; then he has to give you a real and fair chance.
Right now I don't see that. And its hard getting someone to actually give you that real chance and to make it fair to you.
Maybe you should address it like that. It seems like you've sincerely made great efforts towards him. You seem like a very nice gal; someone a guy should be very happy to be dating.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 January 2010):
You were either a really long rebound, or you just got unlucky.
He maybe couldn't help it if his feelings changed. You can't expect him to lie and pretend to like you because he "owed you."
The trick is to only date guys who are sorted out emotionally and if they start mistreating you then you walk away.
You will only ever get treated like a doormat if you lie down.
Good Luck!! xx
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