A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex and my boyfriend argue and throw insults at each other whenever they meet, and now I have had to arange for my ex to pick our child up at my sister's house to avoid this from happening at our family home. However it doesn't stop them bad mouthing each other to me and it's driving me insane.My boyfriend dislikes my ex due to the fact he left me while I was pregnant for another woman and then didn't see our daughter until she was almost a year old. He grew up and changed and he is a brilliant daddy to her. He is never late, takes her away on holiday, pays support and helps out with child care so my boyfriend and I can have time to do things. My ex dislikes my boyfriend because he is constantly reminded of what he could of had because my boyfriend has a great relationship with my daughter. He has told me this himself but it's his own fault for the way he behaved. I wish partly I had never told my boyfriend how much I struggled at first when I gave birth but I didn't think he would hate my ex so much. Every time they come face to face it's the nasty comments and unnecessary insults that lead to shouting and one time a physical fight. My daughter has never seen them fight as she wasn't at the house that day, she was at a sleepover. Because my ex forgot, my boyfriend made me a joke and it lead to a fight which resulted in me throwing my boyfriend out and telling my ex to stay away from me. After a few days I calmed down and things seemed to get better but recently the comments and insults have started again. I have had to deal with this for the past 2 and a half years while we have lived together. My daughter is 7, and she needs her father but I love my boyfriend and I have been with him for 3 years, and I have known him for five years. I'm scared another fight will happen as bad as the last and my daughter will witness the two father figures in her life like that. What action should or could I take? I don't want this to keep happening I want us all to get along for our child.
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female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (19 March 2014):
You need to set boundaries e.g tell both men NOT to fight or shout especially if your daughter might be around. Be firm and clear on this.Sit down and talk to your boyfriend and thank him for his support and love but encourage him to refrain from confrontation with your ex. That behaviour is not good for anyone. Your boyfriend has to understand that because of your daughter, your ex will always be a part of your life.But two grown men fighting is appalling behaviour! Fair enough if they don't get on but as adults they need to behave in a mature manner. Is there anyway you can keep them apart? E.g get your ex to pick up your daughter or drop her off when your boyfriend is not there? Seek professional advice too from someone qualified in family matters and see if they can suggest a timetable everyone could follow to avoid spending more time than necessary together. I'm worried this issue may escalate too. Maybe the professional can offer coping strategies? They've dealt with similar incidences so are the best people to help. Also family and friends can provide support and act as mediators.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (19 March 2014):
 Its time your boyfriend grew up. The Ex and he should sit and talk, call a truce, for the sake of your daughter.
The last thing you need is for the ex to stop contact because of your boyfriend. They need to put any petty jealousy aside and man up. Its gone on long enough.
Tell your boyfriend to stay away at pick up times, give him an ultimatum too, sort it or go.
The arrangement could easily work, neither is a threat in relationship terms, so as you plan to have a future with your new man they have got to learn to be civil.
Whatever happened in your past is history, it went wrong and you split up, explain to your new man that it doesn't matter anymore. Your with him and happy and your ex needs to be there for his daughter. You've let it go now he must.
They both love your daughter so have that in common don't they?
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