A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of a little over a month just tried having sex with me last night. We had not done anything other than making out so at first I thought he was going to finger me but then he unbuttoned his pants. I asked him what we were doing and he said having sex and I told him we can't just have sex we haven't done everything before that and I wasn't even sexually excited there was no foreplay. It was almost like he felt pressured to do this. When I explained that we had to take steps to get there it was like he had no idea and he was clueless. I'm just having a hard time wondering how he doesn't know this stuff and I'm confused and I feel awkward around him and I still want to be with him but I just want to have a normal slow relationship. I'm his first girlfriend and he's my first boyfriend and were both 16 and virgins with no experience so this is very new and confusing for me, please help
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female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (24 December 2009):
 Communicate with him. Tell him what you want. If you dont tell him he wil not know. so what if you are both virgins - you both need to learn what feels right. this did not feel right for you - tell him!
A
female
reader, Tyrannosaurusgoose +, writes (24 December 2009):
I agree with misskin. you need to talk to him. Don't be afraid to communicate and tell him what you want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): I lost my virginity at 18 after dating a guy for two weeks. i knew he was the one from the beginning. We've now been dating for 8 months and are completely in love. Just follow your heart. I love sex because it makes me feel really close to him, like we are the only two people in the whole world. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel if he isn't considerate he isn't the one for you. My boyfriend didn't want to have sex with me because he said that he wanted my first time to be with someone i really loved and not waste it like he did. I guess i convinced him that i loved him quickly. We had been really close friends for a year before we started dating though.
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A
male
reader, bojolay +, writes (24 December 2009):
 Dear Ms Female 16-17,You did the right thing. It's normal and good for you to feel concerned and reject his approach. I strongly encourage you to protect that little virginity of yours as long as possible. Don't sell out like a slut. Don't give it away to some little boy. Instead, wait for some hunk stud who domonstrates real love. You know, in many parts of the world "virginity" is sold at very high prices. Why should you give it away - especially to some little boy who doesn't know what he's doing? I don't believe young boys are taught or schooled in sacred art of seduction, so don't be surprised about his clumsy approach. His approach as you describe it does raise an interesting issue. Consider this: the boy you've decided to befriend and have sex with is prepared to screw you without any preparation, without any concern for your feelings, and without any reproduction protection, and without any regard for the pregnancy that will probably result, and without regard to civil and/or criminal implications. For example, if you are 16-17 then he is probably "raping" you - by statute and he could be prosecuted and placed in jail and have a criminal record. How's that for the father of your little baby? And if you do get pregnant but decide on an abortion - who is going to pay for it? Are you going to ask your own parents for the money? This means that you may have selected a childish boy. Cute, and charming, but not capable of mature activity. Perhaps you should consider having sex with an older boy. Or don't have sex at all. Think of your virginity as your most precious possession - like a diamond ring passed down from your mother's mother to you. Once you give it away it's gone forever. Would you give that ring to a boy you met 1 month ago?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): Oh :S This is gonna sound like a complete gay answer, but just tell him to take it slow, and if he wants to go any further in that realtionship than hes gonna have to agree with your understanding... or tell him staright how you feel and if he dosnet respect that then hes not the best of boyfriends in the world... Your sixteen! You dont want to be getting pregnant at that age!! Plus if you do, your life will be put on hold for years and years. :) XXXX
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A
female
reader, MissKin  +, writes (24 December 2009):
 It's not really completely his fault he's 'clueless'. Films and porn and all that stuff, it just doesn't explain the need for foreplay! In movies it just.. happens. in real life it really isn't like that.
If HE's clueless, then take the initiative to make moves first. Be gentle. kisses, cuddles, touches. Touch him too! as foreplay is important for BOTH of you. tell him you want to kiss and play first.
Ask him what he wants, tell him what you want. You can't just expect each other to know what to do. You have to practise and play! and get around to the sex part when you're both ready.
goodluck!
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