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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: i'm in a long relation ship with a girl and we fell in love with each other. she is married and has a kid but getting divorced now that we're in love (her marrige was not working and her husband cheated on her many times). knowing that her husband still comes over to see his kid and spends some time there regurarly, how can i trust that she is not cheating on me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): is the husband staying at her house overnight?? if he is then I would heavily suspect cheating.
A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (4 January 2011):
 Technically, if she's still married, however unhappily and regardless of whether she's filing for divorce soon, if she's still legally married to him then she's cheating on HIM with YOU. You're the "other man" right now and have no real rights to her until such time as she's legally divorced.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (3 January 2011):
 hi
just because he goes to the house to see his child does not mean they are cheating. he is going to be in his childs life for the rest of his your lives probably so you need to learn to handle it if you are going to stay with her. the fact that he cheated on her when they were together will have taught your girlfriend how bad it feels so hopefully she will not want to put someone else (you) in that same situation. do you think if he hadn't cheated that their marriage would've worked? i ask this because you need to figure out if she is the cheating sort or did she only cheat with you because the marriage was so damaged already. with any relationship you will never get a guarantee so this is where trust comes into play. ask yourself why do you have a trust issue with her? have you always felt like this about other girlfriends? or is it just this situation you are in now?
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): well she is divorcing him, isn't she? isn't that enough said?
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A
female
reader, Merilee  +, writes (3 January 2011):
I think the fact that she is divorcing him says she doesnt want to be with him.
Your job right now is to be there for her, be strong for her, listen to her. If you can do this, she will learn to trust you, rely on you, and love you more for it
Bringing in your own insecurities during this time isnt going to do any good for you or your relationship with this woman. You need to understand that she is going to have some days where she is very emotional, and aslong as she is talking to you on these days, the days where she is most vulnerable, you will know exactly what you mean to her.
As for cheating, anyone can cheat, anytime, anywhere. If she was going to cheat on you, it doesnt mean shes going to do it with him while he is there. We as humans need to understand our own ethics, morals, and choices, and we have to live with them. You cant stop another from cheating, but I think youre reading to much into these visits.
Let it be, and continue being supportive and loving, and try to let your insecurities go, they arent beneficial to either or you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): you cant know for sure not just yet.
maybe you could suggest to her that her kids go to his when he wishes to see them because you feel uncomfterble.
it is not nesserserally a bad thing that they get on its best for the kids and thats what really matters.
you say that this is love between you so if it is i cant see why she would do the dirty.
try not to worry though x
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