A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I found out last week, after nearly two years of desperatelt trying for a baby, that I am five weeks pregnant. I am thrilled...due to medical problems my partner and I had lost hope. My mother, however, is very old school, and dissapproves of having children before marriage. I dont know how to tell her,as i know she will be devastated. She is actually in Spain atm, and I felt i couldnt tell her before she went because it would have spoilt her holiday. She will not see it as the blessing we do, even though she knows about out fertility issues. Yes, we may be young and unmarried, but we had fertility problems that were as real as anyone elses. I am now waiting a few days after she comes home to tell her. What is the kindest way to deliver the blow ? I dont live with or depend on her, her only issue will be that i am not married.
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female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (14 March 2015):
 Ugh..I went through this with my mother. I was 24, had gotten remarried after a horrible first marriage (3 years after the divorce) and I got pregnant after being married about 3 months. My husband and I were so happy! We really wanted a baby. We were secure and more than ready and able to have a baby. When I told my mom, she actually said "What the hell did you do that for??" It REALLY hurt. Eventually she came around, but my husband never did forgive her entirely for being so rude and crude.
Start the conversation out saying something like "Mom, I know that you love me and want me to be happy so I am going to share some news with you that makes us VERY happy. Even though you don't agree..I hope you will share in our joy." And then tell her.
She's your mom...I hope she will be happy for you. Good luck sweetie!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2015): You are only 5 weeks gone. It might be wise to wait a few weeks to tell anyone. Don't add stress to your life this early on. My mother is similar to yours but take it from me...I am 42 and childless by circumstances. I would not care what anyone thought now. Enjoy your blessings.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2015): Mothers who love their children seldom remain angry with them.
You cannot deny her the right as your mother, to want you to have a family with a husband. A man willing to make a commitment to you, and offer you his love for a lifetime; and share all that he has with you while raising a family together. Willing to give-up all other women; to offer you the option to take his last name, or add it to your own.
You put the cart before the horse; by expecting no commitment that will assure the child a stable life, financial-security, and cohesive home environment.
Having a baby is not just about being a mother. The child's legal and moral rights are of the utmost priority when choosing to bring one into this world. Even if you don't want a committed husband, a child deserves a committed father; and the rights that come with it.
Don't worry, tell your mother. What can she do about it? It is what it is. It isn't "old-school" to want a child to be in a home that has two parents willing to form a life-long commitment to hold the family together. You have what you want for the time being. Let's hope your "new-school" choices overrule what your mother thinks. The "old-school" rule still applies and works, when it comes to families.
You'll both be okay in the end. Any negative feelings she may have at the start will fall away. You're HER child.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (14 March 2015):
What's done is done. You now have to be as strict as your mother in telling her the truth...why?? Because you are about to become a mother too.
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