A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, well here goes, hoping for some sound advice to lead me in the right direction. Will try and keep this as short as possible...My best friend for the past 5 years is/was a work colleague called Julie. I'm married, she's in a long term relationship. I've always thought the world of her but about a year ago I started to develop those feelings you associate with love for someone. I knew I could never tell her so I slowly backed off and stopped going for lunch with her, never initiated conversation and kept contact to a minimum. I have behaved like an ignorant idiot to be honest but it was the only way I could deal with it even though behaving like that was killing me. What was worse was when she'd always question why I'd changed and thought it was something she'd done. A couple of months ago we had clear the air talks and I apologised for behaving like I did but I never told her why. Anyway, the feelings soon come back and so I've started being cold again. I can see it upsets her but I just can't deal with it any other way. I'm 36 years old and have never cheated on any of my partners in the past. In fact I've never had feelings for anyone else while with another person and it scares me. Now everything's in a mess. Home life is dreadful and work's no escape now as I'm always feeling down and upset. I always felt so relaxed in Julie's company but now I'm paranoid about my behaviour and nervous whenever I'm around her. I've tried to escape by looking for other jobs but I haven't had any luck so far. Being pleasant to her means we go back to the way we were and my feelings return, being cold to her makes me depressed and mad at myself. I bet 99% of women would of given up on me by now and treated me with the contempt I deserve but she's always trying to be friendly, which hurts me even more.I haven't got a clue how to deal with this anymore so all advice would be appreciated.thank youSteve
View related questions:
best friend, depressed Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Tipster  +, writes (11 July 2007):
Actually man, you've done the right thing by abandoning the close friendship. You were headed down a bumpy road that would have eventually lead to cheating. Having an "emotional friend" can be similar to having an affair, because your turning your affection away from your wife.I'm sure their is natural chemistry between you and your "work buddy", but if you can't keep those feelings from coming on strong than you need to retreat.Remember though, its not your friend's fault, no reason to be a jerk.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Keep up the job search, Steve. You need to distance yourself from Julie. So far so good but you really need to get away from her. Try to focus on your wife whenever Julie is around. It's better that Julie gets offended than your wife gets hurt.
...............................
|
