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How can I now deal with things that I now wish I did not know?

Tagged as: Family, Sex, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 July 2016) 3 Answers - (Newest, 6 July 2016)
A male United States age 41-50, *oogie4 writes:

My wife and I were doing spring cleaning and I came upon a set of her old notebooks.

At first they seemed like ordinary college notes. But as I read on, I read about her past sexual addictions and how uncontrollable she was when it came to sex.

I try not to be judgmental because I wouldn't want anyone to judge my past actions. But the things I've read are almost disturbing. How do I work on myself to keep my thoughts on the present and not think about the things I've read?

To say something would mean she knew I read probably the most private thoughts she's ever written. So I don't want to breach our trust. I just need advice on how to deal with things you wish you didn't know you knew, if that makes sense?

View related questions: her past

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A female reader, Caring Aunty A Australia + , writes (6 July 2016):

Caring Aunty A agony auntI can only tell you how I would want someone to deal with things if they ever stumbled across my old notebooks of past experiences.

But firstly I commend you for having the good sense not to judge; for that is paramount when reading another’s private thoughts and experiences.

Had someone stumbled across my journal of experiences I would be so aware of any change in their demeanour. Such are my experiences that they would provoke interest. So be aware of how you behaviour around your wife after reading her notes.

Meanwhile when you wrestle these thoughts and images you must strongly consider appraising your wife for how she behaves in the present – TODAY! Please pause here and think.

I can only surmise; today you have someone who has risen from those disturbing murky depths? I wager it would have been a spiritually lonely road for her until her demons were slain? Writing not only allows us to keep account of events, but also acts as self therapy.

I believe you may need to deal with this by having an objective mindset, like an impartial reader. It helps having an intellectual rational approach to these readings…

Take Care – CAA

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2016):

I totally agree with denizen.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom + , writes (4 July 2016):

Denizen agony auntWhat can I tell you. You can't unknow something. You broke a cardinal rule, reading someone's private note and you didn't like what you found. And you presumably think it's true and not just fantasising.

The person you are in love with is the person you have now. The past is gone and people grow.

If this person you are with gives you unqualified love; if she is true to you, then take this with both hands. You are a lucky man. Of all the people she could have been with and all the paths she could have taken she chose you. That ought to make you feel pretty special.

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