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How can I make my husband interested in me again?

Tagged as: Faded love, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 December 2007) 7 Answers - (Newest, 23 May 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

How can I make my husband interested in me again? Ever since fell pregnant with my 3 year old daughter my husband has never come near me. We havent had even so much as a quick cuddle in bed since she was born. I am becoming frustrated and thinking along the lines of having an afair or even more extreme, leaving him. He is not the best father or husband in the world but does try his best.

When I try to talk to him about it he says he is scared I fall pregnant again. I am on the contraceptive pill and would never trap him as it is not fair on him or the baby and I could never live with myself if it happened. Although I wuold love to have another child I would never bring one into the world to feel unloved or unwanted.

Any suggestions would be great

View related questions: unloved

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008):

Dear Friend, I have been married for only six months and i am facing the same problem. We both have odd work timings but thats still no excuse to not fulfilling your wants.

I have a suggestion though. Are you working?? If you are then i think you should get yourself involved in some extra curricular activities, like dance class or dramatics or any part time course. This will not only keep you occupied but it can also help you make new friends and it can atleast make you an emotionally stronger person. in life you go through a stage where everything becomes boring, routine and a chore....... let it not ruin your relationship. It will also give you a sense of accomplishment and appreciation. It can give you things/topics youo can talk to him about. It will just make you a more interesting person. If its only about sex and if he is unwilling to give it to you, then my sincere suggestion is seek it outside (it would conciously and subconciously not amount to infedility)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008):

I have read each of your posts. I too have (3) kids aged 2,9, and 11. It is important somehow to get some time alone together to turn on both the passion and conversation as you were friends. In regards to the comment about getting pregant again - tell your husband to wear a condom - that way you have double the protection. Try building your relationships as friends and lovers. Make your husband see that you love hum, think of him every minute, and at the end of the day he can't wait to see you. The most important piece of info for you ladies is that you do these things with confidence and not out of pity - he will pick up on it that your begging - and that may drive him away.

Best of luck to each of you. Relationships are difficult buit can also be wonderful if the two of you are connected as both friends, supporters, and lovers.

Pamela

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A female reader, kae's mommy United States +, writes (28 December 2007):

I totally understand how you feel, ignored. My situation is a little different though. I'm 23 and my husband is 25 and we have a 7th month old baby. We hardly have sex now, only when I beg for it!!! I let him know that it makes me feel unwanted, fat and undesirable. He says he's tired from working all day but I know plenty of men who work all day and have a healthy sex drive. I know the feeling of frustration. You just want to feel sexy, wanted and to be intimate with the one you love. I don't really have any advice to give; just wanted to let you know there's someone out there that is walking in your shoes.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2007):

hi there,

its really frustrating when ur husban doesnt make you feel loved. Definitely the relationship has no sparks even when you try he hesitates, there is something wrong on his part. Maybe he lost interest in you, he is no longer in love with you and your preganacy is just an excuse for him. They all say its hard to understand women but it the man that exceed all odds. Sorry seetheart i really know how u feel coz iam going through the same thing. It we are unable to make our husband fall in love with us us again than its better to let them go.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I took your advice and asked him what was wrong and if there was someone else.

He denied having an affair and stuck to the original answer of not wanting any more children. He said he understood that I was taking the contraceptive pill but that mistakes still happen. Well of course they do but I would never trap him or any other man. It is not fair on the child the man or me to bring an unwanted child into the world.

I also asked if he had any sexual desires and he said NO. Do you beleive that???

How can someone never have any desire for sex, cuddles or even a little kiss????

I am starting to think there is more to it than that but he just wont open up to me.

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A male reader, crazypaddy Ireland +, writes (14 December 2007):

Hi I should have said that having it outside of your marriage is a sure way to ruin it. You must sit down with him and discuss the problem and tell him that you are sexually frustrated. Ask him what he would do if the positions were reversed and you had no interest in sex with him.

Regards Frank

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A male reader, crazypaddy Ireland +, writes (14 December 2007):

Hi how are you ??? You are in a very difficult position and I am not sure there is an easy answer to it. Your ID says that you are 30/35 year old Lady and yes you have physical and emotional needs that are not being met by your husband.

A man also has his needs and the fact that he is not turning to you makes me worry that he is getting it elsewhere .It is not normal for a husband and wife who are still young not to be intimate.I think that his excuse of not wanting another child is a very poor one in that there are many methods of contraception that he should have no fear.It is also not rational of him to think that you would trap him as any child born to this is off to a bad start.

Your question was ; How do I make interested in me again; says it all if he loves you you should not have to do anything as it should be natural

That is all I can say but good luck with it Frank

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