A
female
age
36-40,
*Lindy87
writes:Hey there, I like this guy, I had written in asking about him not too long ago to this site. The problem is that we're friends and I have fallen for friends in the past and I haven't had too much luck with the friends first thing. (Don't get me wrong, I don't make friends with guys in hopes of becoming more, in fact I have a lot of other guy friends who remain just friends. However, I find from time to time I start spending more time with a specific guy.)Examples:Friend guy number one, lets call him Pete. Last summer I hung out with him, we held hands, spent almost every day together. I finally couldn't take not knowing how he felt and it seemed clear that once someone said something we'd be together...ended up he just thought we were really close friends and nothing more. Friend guy number two, lets call him Andy. Last March (after liking him for months prior to that March) I had a few friends over and Pete called me during that get together, I stepped outside to talk to him. Andy, knowing how I felt about Pete before, came out to smoke and when I got off the phone he pulled me in close and kissed me for the first time. That night we decided to start dating, the next day he told me that he didn't think we should date and blamed it on the booze. Now I like my friend, lets call him Chris. I am still friends with Pete and Andy, but just friends for they both didn't want anything more after all. But now I feel jaded and scared to tell Chris that I like him more then a friend because I'm scared he'll do the same thing. I know its silly to think that because everyone is different. Bottom line, my question is how can I live and make decisions based on a present situation and forget about what happened in the past? I just feel like my fear is holding me back. Its not a fear of rejection its more of a fear of going through that awkward phase that happens after you tell someone who isn't into you that you want more with them, I know that blows over eventually and it'll be fine and dandy, but that phase sucks hahaSo, is it a bigger risk to not tell someone you feel something more for them or is it a bigger risk to tell them and end up maybe ruining a good friendship? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 September 2010):
 Hey,like johnnyrockets says, these things happen.It can happen with friends, and with people you don't know. You may meet someone through a dating site, or at a Starbucks, or at a club etc.etc., , go out with him on a date, have the feeling that it really went well- and then, nothing.... everything fizzles.
From what you say though I have the feeling that you might be jumping the gun and being too ready to declare your feelings.
It's not wrong for a woman to take the initiative , but it's not even mandatory . In fact,I think it's wiser being proactive only if a ) you are the kind of person who can handle rejection well ( which I guess it's not your case ) b) you get non-ambiguous signals that the other person is interested and he's holding back just because of shyness or inexperience or something like that.
Otherwise, let them come after you !
A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (11 September 2010):
LLindy87 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you for responding jonnyrockets, you're right, in fact if i were giving advice to someone else on this I'd say the same thing, to let the past go and live in the present. But its sometimes hard to take your own advice. But I appreciate the response :) thank you!
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