| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm having a hard time letting go of my ex. We had many issues concerning jealousy (mostly his) during the relationship. The problem is, I was very patient during our relationship, and I put up with his distrust, jealousy and anger. I never cheated or anything, I think it was mostly because of his past hurts mixed with the fact he knew an ex of mine. He really had bad luck with girls before he met me, many of them lied or cheated on him.I endured many things. Name calling, etc. For a long time, I was convinced he didn't even love me and, maybe, hated me! But now it's the total opposite. He seems like he loves me, a lot. And that makes it so difficult for me to distance myself, because I'm still in love with him.The problem is, his jealousy hasn't changed, so there's no way we can be together. I don't think I should do any more effort to help him, since I did my best, and I didn't even do anything to make him jealous in the first place! So this relationship's dead anyway.The problem is that we're like best friends, we have so many things in common, everything else is so great, but there's this huge detail which makes us simply incompatible. I mean, sad as it is to accept, it's true: none of us can deal with the grief that his jealousy gives us. And sadly, I'm the type of girl that gets along better with guys than girls. And being with him was therefore very lonely for me, because he didn't trust my male friends.We saw each other last night, it was the last night and everything was perfect. Now I find it hard to let go, even though I know I have to. People tell me to go one day at a time, but it's hard. Plus, I hate thinking that he's all sad and suffering because of me. I know that he is. He misses me a lot, and I feel kind of guilty for just leaving him. But for a long time, DURING the relationship, he didn't show me that love. And that's not right! He even called me names...How can I let go of the man who would be completely perfect if it wasn't because he's too jealous? How do you let go of your first love? Especially when they don't want to let go either.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 June 2010):
 YouWish is right. If you want to cut loose, cut ALL contact. Every boyfriend will be the "best friend". But you will make new friends.
The only other option I can give, which might be crazy to some, is that you quit accepting everything. Show him where the line is. It is right here. And it is up to him if HE decides to cross that line. Can he stay behind it? Can he keep his jealousy under control? If not, then it is not up to you. He DECIDED to let this get the best of him. He is NOT excused. He chose to act the way he did, and so he pushed you away, and no matter how hard you cling on to him, he will push you away.
I think he needs more time alone with himself to heal. And, of it was meant to be, it will happen later.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (21 June 2010):
 You have to remember - he's NOT perfect. What you saw from him and what you see now is HIM trying to impress you. He cultivated that "compatible" image, and is now pouring on the charm even more since you left him.
You have to consider what the extremes of the jealous personality are, and the more serious you guys would get, the more jealous and mean and verbally abusive he would become. What's beyond verbally abusive?
Many hyper jealous guys turn out to hit their wives after they get married and they believe yelling isn't enough to "keep them in line". What would happen if you were to get a cool new job and start talking to your guy about it? Would he be happy and support you, or would he pressure you to quit because some guy might take you away from him?
You should cut him loose and not even be friends. Even now, he's keeping himself that close to you so that you do not date anyone else. He's like the dog who's guarding the bone from other dogs, even if you're not letting him "chew" on you, so to speak.
Being best friends with exes is baggage you really do not need. This jealousy thing is NOT a noble thing. It's a really dangerous thing.
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