A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How can I let go of these friends opinions and gossip?I Am Eastern European and I used to hang out with women from my culture that were gossipy and the only goal in life was to get married and show off. I have fallen into hard times and my family memember is sick ( I have let go of chasing material things and showing off on instagram). I work a retail job on the weekend(corporate gig during the week) to support the medical bills and I am always paranoid that I will run into them and feel like I will be a failure. They always try to check in on me since I stopped talking to them two years ago to check in and see”what’s up” I don’t believe they have good intentions because these women gossip about people’s std statuses and make fun of other friends that were diagnosed etc .. their lives are all about - I got the guy I’m married look - I have a great job now look on InstagramHow can I stopped feeling ashamed of being seen in a retail role if they run into me? How can I let go of these opinions of these women ? I want to be strong - I believe I can get a man and I have a good job but seeing someoene so sick I dotn care for showing off anymore Any advice on feeling proud of myself and ignoring people like this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2018): It is your own opinions that stand in your way.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (24 July 2018):
 My parents were Eastern European descent. Reading your description of your "friends" brought back so many memories from my childhood. Memories of my mother crying because of the vicious gossip and bullying from her group of "friends". The constant "one upmanship" in the group. The sly digs about anyone who might be "less fortunate". Some things apparently don't change. How very sad.
While I understand the need to connect with people from your own country, sometimes we have to step outside our comfort zone and connect with people who are going to be good for us, who are going to support us and make us feel better about ourselves.
What do you think is more "worthwhile" - gossiping and seeing who can outdo who, or working hard to support a family member in need? You KNOW the answer to that one. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission and there is nothing in your situation which should make you feel inferior in any way. It is only because you are comparing yourself to THEIR shallow standards that you feel inferior.
In your shoes (and remembering my mother's experience of a similar group), I would put as much distance as you can between yourself and them, then concentrate on making REAL friends. Friends are people who support you, who want the best for you, who are happy for you when you do well and sad when things go wrong. If you bump into members of this group, smile politely and say something like "I have been very busy supporting a poorly relative. My priorities have changed and I have little time at the moment for socializing."
And NEVER EVER let anyone make you feel ashamed of working, regardless of what the job is.
Stay strong. You are a good person.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2018): @wiseOwLe I want to thank you for the sincere post - you made my day - thank you for posting this and may god bless youI am the anonymous person that posted the question - thank you for your feedback - I have come here a couple of times and you have the best advice I truly appreciate your word - sincerely thank you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2018): Bragging is usually what insecure people do. Showing-off is common these days; because people need validation and attention. Hardworking sincere people like you are rare; and have no reason to be ashamed. You are making your way in this world as best you can.
You can't worry about what superficial-people think.
Often, their lives are not as good as they claim. Their lives always have to be on display and an open-spectacle; which only proves they're not used to it. The world has to know every-time they scratch their butts. Easy-come, easy-go; to those who are materialistic and greedy! "Look at me, look at what I've got!" How childishly-embarrassing for them!!! Pride comes before a fall. When misfortune hits, they have to run and hide in shame. Fearful people might find-out! It hurts more, because they cherished having "things" more than they should.
Show-offs become obsessed and burdened with keeping up appearances to impress the public; but if you were a fly on the wall, you'd see how phony most of them are. They put on a show to get admiration and stirrup envy. You have to see behind the scenes what's really going on. They have cheating husbands, they're stacking-up debt, and worry about keeping up with others. They can't settle-down in peace; they've got to put-on a constant show. For their need for people to gloat over them, and envy what they have. It's hard-work keeping-up with others. Even harder when you lose it all.
If you are happy, feel blessed and be thankful. It's nothing to brag about; because everybody will hit a snag or meet with misfortune. I don't care how rich and happy you think you are. Even millionaires file bankruptcy! You have other responsibilities, not just yourself to worry about. You are willing to give-up the things you want, to care for the needs of somebody else. God bless you!
You don't want to be like them; you shouldn't brag and boast. Experiences will soon come along that will humble us.
You are strong, and you are a survivor. You have made your way from Eastern Europe; yet you are surviving in a whole different world. You take care, not only of yourself; but someone else you love. Your sacrifice will truly be blessed in time. You never see it when going through it; but once it passes, you'll realize your victory and success. Because you are a survivor. You can subsist on less, and make the best of what you have. Glitz and glamour isn't all that life is about. We want and need love more than anything else. Explain why wealthy beautiful people commit suicide? They should have everything anyone could ever want! They have no hope, no faith, and can't find love they can depend on. They thought wealth and beauty was everything. They thought that's what happiness is.
Never be shamed by braggarts and show-offs. They need attention and popularity. They put on airs for the public. Your life is simple and private. You are loved. You are strong. You have to control your pride, or it will control you.
You can ignore their calls; if they offer no help, support, or comfort during your struggle. This is how you distinguish those who are your friends, and those who are enemies. Keep the peace in your life, just by ignoring them altogether. They only want to know your business, not to comfort you.
Even if they find things out, what can they do but gossip? It only amplifies the shame they'll feel when trouble and misfortune comes their way. And it will! It comes to everyone, my dear child! We make our way through it, hell or high-water. Then we thank God we did it!
Your shame serves no purpose. Hardship makes us stronger. It makes us more thrifty and fiscally-responsible. We learn to survive on less. If you believe, you know that God sees us through our struggles. He sends help when we ask. If you don't; then you have to have faith in yourself. That might be a little harder. You'll make it somehow, He helps even when we don't ask. He's so loving, He helps nonbelievers.
Disaster hits everyone. A financial crisis or a natural catastrophe could wipe-out everything we own in the blink of an eye. Show-offs would be devastated by the loss of all their material-things and comforts. Those who have struggled all along, know how it feels to have little to nothing; they appreciate having life, health, and people who love them.
You are stronger, because you can take care of yourself; and someone else can depend on you. Even if you don't believe in God, He still watches over people like you. He sees the selflessness and devotion you show for those you love. Until someday that you may see Him, He will see you through.
I will pray that He will. Block unwanted callers from your phone, and remove them from your contacts on social media. Nod and say hello, when you pass them on the street; but keep going. You don't have to stop. You don't owe them anything.
If they ask how you're doing? Ask them do they really want to know, because they care; or just to gossip? Tell them you're doing just fine! Because you are, sweetheart!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2018): They are not kind - they are not decent - they are not what you are about.
That is all you need to know inside your heart. Life changes very quickly and for you progress will mean something. Leave them to Instagram and get on with enjoying your life in the real world. If you see them be polite and smile and say nothing - they care about you not at all - work on finding friends that do care as that’s all that matters. Being lonely is tough when you are carrying responsibilities - that’s why you need good friends around you - join a support group, a sport you enjoy, a church - anything but being sucked back into spending your time with people who do not care for you.
I wish you lots of luck and hope you make time for yourself as you need to do so now more than ever before.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 July 2018):
 What you are doing (taking an extra job to help with medical bills) IS something you should be proud off.
These women are NOT your friends, their opinion DOES not matter!
The reason they feel like they HAVE to gossip and post about this and that, is because THAT is the only way for THEM to make meaning of their little lives.
Know that what you are doing is done out of love for a family member, not to make yourself look good. And if that makes YOU feel good, the person you are helping better too then THAT is all that matters.
You could... BLOCK these women's numbers - just cut them off. After all if they aren't adding something positive to your life, why keep them around?
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