A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been feeling really alone, especially now that Valentine's Day is coming up, and it seems like it's just not possible to get past two or three dates with anyone lately. For some reason dating feels so forced and artificial, like people are just doing it for the sake of having sex or being in a relationship, not because they actually have true feelings for the person they're with. It feels like I haven't been able to get close to anyone since my last relationship. I've always had difficulty trusting and opening up to people right away, but I thought that all changed with my last (and first) boyfriend. I thought I was finally growing out of it and breaking down the wall I've had up all my life, but in the end he used and betrayed my trust for his own benefit. It's been a year and a half since we broke up and I still miss him terribly, our relationship was everything I had ever hoped to find in love but at the same time brought out some of my worst fears. In spite of that I miss the moments when I truly felt happy, even complete. I'm not saying he completed me, but ever since I was young I was searching for someone I could trust fully and fall in love with. I wanted the kind of love you see in movies. While we were together that did happen, it was like the ideas of love I had in my mind from childhood finally came true. It really was almost like a fairytale.The only deep bonds I have with anyone now are with two friends, one of which I'm hopelessly in love with and the other being my best female friend. I get along wonderfully with both, but I share an amazing connection with the male friend. We're able to predict and instinctively know things about each other in a way no one else can. He's currently dating another one of my friends, and they're happy, which makes me happy for them and overwhelmingly jealous at the same time.I guess my question is how can I learn to open up? Is there anything I can do to become comfortable with other people? I just don't feel a connection with anyone these days, I really don't know what happened. I'm wondering if the breakup did more damage than I realized. Obviously I do miss my ex but I feel like I'm finally ready to move on. Is it possible the feelings I have for my friend are holding me back? How does one overcome these things and move on?
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