A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay, here goes:I was dating a girl that I was a really good friend with. We knew each other for a year and a half before that time. Her kids love me to death and mine love her and her kids.Well, about March of this year we started to actively do things together. Went out for dinners, went to a movie and karaoke on her birthday, then movies at her place, just actively enjoying each others company. But nothing happened like a kiss or sex which is what I wasn't after specifically. I did find myself growing attracted to her.Well, one night we got together with her sister and sisters boyfriend, we ended up kissing. She admitted that she felt attracted and we went from there in talking more and more. The next week we decided to give a relationship a try.After that I started staying at her place more and more and we spent no real time apart (don't know what i was thinking because I do have a life). Everything we did involved the kids and not so much us. The initial feelings of attraction turned into something else. The relationship dissolved after 2 months. We both agreed that the feelings just weren't growing, but didn't want to abandon completely.We agreed to a breakup and she admitted to missing me, so we went out on a fun date together. I was finding myself really missing her and realize it was because I stopped my life for 2 months to be in her presence. That is why the feelings didn't grow because we had nothing to share with each other. No spending quality time in doing fun things, etc.Well, i decided to give it a break and do no contact.. but not ignore her if she contacted me. Just to figure out all of the things, which I mentioned earlier what those things were. There was no cheating, no fighting, no he said/she said bullcrap. It was just simply too much time together and with kids involved.Well, it has been about 2 weeks since I seen her last. She started a new job a week after we broke up officially and has been concentrating on that. Then a close friend of hers got killed by a drunk driver so she has had that on her mind. I wanted to be there for her but didn't want it to seem we were jumping back together in doing so.I decided to test the waters and ask her for a get together. She agreed and we went out tonight (July 4th). We went to a chinese restaurant then to bowling. It only lasted a couple of hours but I felt we were connecting big time. We were joking, talked about her friend who passed, and just getting to really know each other again.She kicked my butt at bowling (lol not good at it) and joked the whole time. She told me she had several things to do before the kids got home so I dropped her off. Before she got out of the truck she admitted to having a good time tonight. She reached over and gave me a real nice passionate kiss. Not just a peck but a 30 second to a minute kiss. We said goodbye and I came home.Do you think this is a good sign? To reconnect slowly in a friendship vibe and get to know one another again? What are some things that I could be doing to continue this without seeming too interested?I really like this girl and nothing was ever really bad between us. We are good friends. But the kiss seemed like she is still interested in something, or else it would have just been a hug.And to add to it, I have gotten back into my regular routine of things. Going out and doing stuff with friends, getting involved in different projects, work, etc. I want to see if we could go somewhere and let her take the lead on it
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (7 July 2009):
 Hmmm I'm not sure I am liking this at all. Your leading this girl on and not being entirely truthful.
Women are emotional creatures who need love. They will act like they are not concerned about a relationship, when really they long to be adored and secure. She gave you that passionate kiss, and I don't think many women would dissagree with me that it was a 'kiss of hope' A kiss that would give you a signal that she is crazy about you.
By wanting her to take the lead, you are negating any responsibility for this liason. You don't want her as a partner, but your not man enough to admit it straight to her. By letting her take the lead, she will assume you want a full on relationship. She will continue to 'kiss' you on meeting, hoping that you will fall for her. She may even have sex with you, in the hope that she is 'proving' her love and attraction for you...but you know you can pull the rug from under her at anytime...slap a 'friends' lable on it and go about your business.
This is SUCH a male thing to do...and it's a crappy thing to do. Friends DO NOT kiss passionately, they do not even hang out that much on a one to one basis.
You want the flirtation to continue because it boosts your ego and makes you feel good about yourself. Maybe your not ready for a long term relationship, many people arn't after any kind of a break up...but be fair to this girl. Shes been a good friend to you and she deserves your honesty. If you don't want her as a partner, then tell her that exactly. ' I like you as a friend but I don't want you for a partner' That way, you will give her the choice to either continue as 'platonic' friends, or to not see you and find someone else who truly wants to be with her.
Hanging onto her, just so you can enjoy the flirting, is sickening and cruel.
From the way you describe her, she sounds a lovely woman. If you don't want her, then allow someone else the pleasure of her company.
I truly hope your man enough to do the right thing.
Aunty Em xxx
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