A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey ive been with my boyfriend for about a year now. he has started dealing drugs which doesnt bother me but he is also using. he has got himself into alot of debt and he is so stressed and angry and i feel like he is pushing me away. he keeps apoligising for it, but says he needs to sort it out by himself. how can i help him see how he is ruining not only his life but how he is destroying our relationship. we are so in love everything is always good until now. i dont know how to help him. any suggestions cos i want him to know i care but i keep getting angry at him for doing this to me. i love him and im not going to leave him, no matter what i just need to help him get back on track without judging him or making him bite my head off. How can i do this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008): You love him? Not going to leave him no matter what?? Ask yourself, why you are dating a guy who uses drugs and is a dealer? Try learning to love yourself first. Doing this very thing, will empower you to do something you need to do, here. You need to priorize your life and your future and make better choices, hun in whom you allow into your life. I think the answer to your angst here is : get rid of him and stop acting like you don't have a brain in your head, girl. How and why did you get involved with a drug dealer in the first place? Look hard into yourself and really think about your own character weaknesses and the lack of common sense that you are using. Your boyfriend is self-destructing. He needs to get help for his drug use and his inability to understand that his drug deals are dangerous to others, especially the young adolescents/schoolkids, that are his likely customers. The money should be good but he's in debt. Think about that. Why is he in debt? Debt is often a big problem with drug dealers. Why? Because many of them are addicts themselves and they use the product or they get a lot of cash from drug sales and they spend it, recklessly, without much thought to paying back his suppliers. I don't know for sure, but here's a guess..he may owe money to his suppliers. If so, those suppliers do like to be paid for product, and if they don't get paid, one pays them with a higher price---physical harm or broken limbs. That could be a why he stressing. You need to get out before you get destroyed by him, because you are getting dragged down into his nightmare of a life. And if you choose to stay then ask why you are settling for this crap. You sound like a young woman who could do amazing things in her life, but you are not gaining the strength her to look out for yourself. Stop being so dependant on him, emotionally... and try to disconnect, today! Find the strength and open your eyes enough, to see that clearly. Tell him you are done, and do something smart, respect yourself enough to save your own life and give yourself a decent future, one with integrity and less hassle. I also recommend you get into counseling to learn skills on how to become a more wiser, independant person. One who knows she doesn't need an addict and drug dealer in her life, to feel validated and loved. Work on your self-love and confidence. A good counselor will help you with that. Good luck hun and truely...I am behind you all the way. Take care, dear and keep us updated as I am worried about you. Hugs
A
female
reader, starismine1  +, writes (27 August 2008):
 "he has started dealing drugs which doesn't bother me" oh, really? Deep down inside, all this bothers you,...his addiction, and his dealing, because it means he isn't dependable, and you have to take care of him emotionally. Who wants that? But more importantly at this point in your life, you need to ask yourself the burning question, why does this kind of guy make me feel such love for him? What addictive behavior traits does he have that my father had? It's not about what he's doing, it's about his behavior and how familiar it is with how you were treated as a child by your parents. There are no easy answers, you need to get professional help to see why men like this attract you. Once you've been in enough of these kinds of relationships over and over again, you'll seek that help.
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A
male
reader, Andromeda1 +, writes (27 August 2008):
You cannot help him. I am in recovery after years of alcohol and drug abuse. I dated another user for several years and thought i could help her and myself at the same time. I could not. You may not have any intention of using drugs with him, but sooner or later, unless you leave him, it will happen. That was my thinking "If you can't beat them, join them!" Three years later, after much heartache, financial woes, and almost losing my life several times, I finally realized that I had to help myself and could not influence my ex-girlfriend's addictions. We decided to part ways and now both have over one year clean and sober and are in new relationships.
You need to cut your losses now and get out while you still can, no matter how much you love him. You cannot change him!
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