A
female
age
,
*ifes worst nightmare
writes: What is wrong with some of the girls of today? where are their family morals, values,careing and LOVE gone?And where is all this selfishness, no regard for othere /mothers feelings and being on their own etc coming from? I was shocked and could not believe what i was reading when i came to this site for the first time - (and read *eeply hurts email) I was reading a mirror image of what i am currently going through for the last 3 years. I fully understand and sypathise with her feeling , how hard it is to go through the day. my experience is very similar to hers. just in briief : my son met this girl who comes from a family where her mother left her with her nan for about 13 to 15 year. when her mother came back she woulnt talk to her nor eat what she would cook etc more or less did what she did without any regard for what the mother would say and always wanted to leave home but couldnot afford on her own. once she meet my son who is 6ft 2in very very handsome she woulnt let go. she kicked off with my daughter and is very jeolouse of her. she does not want my son to talk to us; has ripped the family part and taken my only son away; has called the police on us many times and my middle daughter and my son where very very close and where inseperable all their life and love each other very much, were always together, now are ememies; now he wont talk to her; she reads all our text; wont let him talk or eat from our house ( he loves my cooking) my son is a stranger to me now. he does what she wants ? living without my son or not seening him is like being buried alive .This is very very cruel to keep a son away from his motherand make me suffer and i am becoming very depressed, upset and it is ripping me apart; i do not want to live without him ; where ever i see in the house it remind me of him: i sit and watch out of the window all day, All i want is for him to return home this. i want is my son back. CAN PLEASE ANYONE HELP ME IN ANY WAY TO MAKE HIM SEE SENSE so he comes back home. No one should go through this, many thanks to *eely hurts email - as i feel that i am not the only mother going through this. please do not disclose my identy as the matter will get worst thanks
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reader, lifes worst nightmare +, writes (7 March 2012):
lifes worst nightmare is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi many thanks to all the readers for their advice and support and i appreciate each one for their honesty and difference in views. i very very much like the last readers view of being their in the back ground when he needs u he will come back once .again many thanks
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2012): Sorry about your sad situation and so selfish on their side, however I have to be honest...for this to change YOUR SON NEEDS TO STAND UP FOR HIMSELF, he has the power to change this by simply telling her he WILL NOT except this situation any longer. So really your son is the ONE AT FAULT...does she have a gun at his head? I am aware she will dictate and manipulate and emotionally blackmail him and make his life difficult. So as long as you BLAME HER TOTALLY you make him defend her and protect her..TELL YOUR SON TO GET A BACK BONE AND SORT THIS MESS OUT AND SPEAK TO YOU AND YOUR SISTER. fACT is your son's HOME is now with her rightly or wrongly..and at his age this is the natural order to fly the nest.LOOKING FROM ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE if the above is not the case. Regardless of her broken home background. She may not ( have originally been ) your ideal choice of woman for your son but she is his choice, and if you can't accept that he will not come back. Let him be a man and respect his choice and try again small steps to let them both back.Remember SHE does not hold a gun at his head so can not completley be blamed.spunky monkey
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2012): As you are finding, you cant MAKE your son come home. And it will work the other way too, this girl cant MAKE him stay away from you. He is doing what HE wants to do. Fighting with them wont work, you will just drive them together while the rift between you and them gets bigger. My son left home early with a very unsuitable girl. I was accepting of her, said nothing negative and tried to find good in her. I decided if my son loved her then I would make it my business to find things to love about her too. Even so, I was disregarded. He would ignore calls from me, not bother to respond to text messages. They didnt visit and we werent invited to their home. My son just wasnt interested. Myself and the rest of his family were cut out of his life. Like you, I missed my son terribly and it hurt my feelings very much but I didnt try and force him to come home. What was the point? He had made his decision and while it broke my heart, I had to respect that decision. It was tough and felt like a bereavement but eventually we all started to move on without him. A few years later he contacted me to say his girlfriend had left him and could he come home. I went and collected him. When I went to the address he had given me, I found him in a small, squalid room in a shared house, he had dropped out of college and been working two jobs to try and support himself and the girl. While she studied dramatic arts and ran around with her college friends, one of whom she had been cheating with. My son was heart broken and pretty much destitute with large debts that he had incurred, while trying to support the girls college and social life, she hadnt contributed to anything. So he came home. He was able to come home because I had not fallen out with him. I`d just been there in the background if he ever needed me and when he did, I responded. And that is all you can do if he choses not to have anything to do with you at the moment. I dont blame the girl for what happened because they were my sons choices. He has matured a lot since then and wouldnt behave like that now. He has also apologised! Now he has his own home and a lovely girlfriend. We see them all the time. I would never have guessed things would turn out like this a few years ago, so take heart! Just try and move on for now, be patient and wait until he needs you. They say watch how a man treats his mother because that is how he will treat women. If that is true then the day will come when some thing happens and he starts treating her this way too. So you will be seeing him again of that I am sure. He will be back eventually as long as you havent made that impossible for him by deed or words of anger.Sometimes we just have to bite our tongues and accept that our children arent perfect. Its not easy but it is better than fighting and losing them altogether.
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