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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I've recently started university, and everything is great-I love my course, I have some fantastic friends..apart from one thing which has recently got me down no end and I just don't know what to do.I met a man, and I thought he was different to all the other men i've met before, (he is on my course)-and seemed intelligent, interesting, a real gentleman. He complimented me, said lovely things, and one thing led to another and before long we were "in a relationship" and had slept together. I only sleep with men I care a lot for and am in a relationship with--and I felt I cared enough about him to be able to do that, I felt happy. But then things changed.Ever since we had sex, he just doesn't seem interested (as much)-in me as a person anymore. He never comes to see me (unless he knows that sex is on the cards) and never comes into university, never makes any effort to contact me at all. When he came over last week, we had sex, and straight after, he sent a text saying "I love you too babe, I want to be with you more than anything"-to another girl!! Yet he was supposed to be in a relationship with me?! Now, I think he only said he wanted a relationship so he could get sex--as I told him in conversation (as we were getting to know each other) that I only sleep with men when in a relationship with them. I've talked to him about it, and he didn't seem apologetic at all-in fact, he didn't really seem to care. He said he was "sorry" and didn't mean to hurt me, but I really don't think he meant it. I just don't know what to do.I feel so used and dirty.And to top it off, I am on the pill, but (yes, I know this is irresponsible-don't remind me anyone), I slept with him without using a condom..and he has slept with 14 other girls apart from me. So now I am scared I might have an STD. I know it was irresponsible and I am going to get a check up at the sexual health clinic for it, but I am just so scared...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): I agree with Cerberus. Your choice to keep sex in serious relationships is admirable and I encourage you to stick to it.
But finding the right kind of guy takes more than just telling guys what you want and expecting them all to respond accordingly. Its like expecting not to get ripped off at a used car lot just because you tell the dealers that you don't want to buy a bad car.
You need to make guys prove what they are saying for a while before you trust them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2012): "I just don't know what to do."
Yes you do, you completely cut off all contact with this slime and stop giving him what he wants. Then warn any girl who will listen what kind of sleazy douchebag he is. You did nothing wrong OP, but "before long" may not have been long enough if you know what I mean.
I think the biggest mistake you made was your attitude that you only have sex in relationships and with people YOU care about. It's noble idea OP except you forget the most important aspect of that. They have to care about you too. It's all well and good you caring about them but this guy didn't care about you at all and you got used. He may have said he cared about you, he may have been charming and sweet but you still got used didn't you? Because by telling him that you gave him point of reference, he then knew what he had to say and how he had to act the get you to shag him.
In the future OP, wait a bit longer and don't tell the guy you only have sex in relationships, tell him you're not ready. I was a player OP and girls like you were the biggest prize because you took a little extra work to shag so it was much more of an ego boost to bag a girl like you. You make it oh so easy for us guys when you tell us you only have sex in relationships because we then know we only have to tell you sweet things and then make it kind of "official" and the conditions you have set are then met and your legs are wide open for us.
As far as this guy goes you know exactly what to do, stop being his flesh puppet fool. Tell him to piss off, block him on your phone facebook etc and learn your lessons from this. You made it too easy for him OP, so easy in fact that "before long" you were having sex with a player without a condom. It's not hard to prevent that OP you just have to be smart. Don't give a guy a time frame, if he's persistent and pushy about getting sexual or even knowing when you can be sexual then he is only interested in sex. A guy who is interested in you as a person and a potential partner would be more than willing to wait. Next time make a guy prove himself to you before you sleep with him, it's not hard OP, players get bored very easily and lack of sex quickly fills your conversations, just make them wait in future until you're certain.
"but I am just so scared"
Good, I hope you test clean but I really hope you let this fear and pain teach you a thing or two about safe sex. I'm not going to lecture you on it OP but I will say you have to take this whole messy situation and turn it into a positive lesson.
1. Always use a condom.
2. Always test guys are on the same page as you, words are not enough OP.
3. Don't make it easy for us guys by telling us what we have to do to make you sleep with us, we then don't even have to do any work.
4. Cut this guy completely out of your life and stop being his idiot.
Do these things and test clean and you can hold your head high with a little more experience and knowledge, try not to let it get you down too much OP. Just do what you have to do now and don't be a flake that continues to talk to this dickwod.
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