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How can I get rid of a crush I know I shouldn't have?

Tagged as: Age differences<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 November 2006) 8 Answers - (Newest, 29 June 2009)
A female , anonymous writes:

hey guys

I'm 17 and about a year ago I got a "forbidden crush" on someone that is older than me (mid 20's?) just because he is so mature and nice and always greets me with a hello and smile. I am well aware he is married with a baby. I've never dreamed of anything happening. I just like talking to him. I used to see him every morning and night to and from school. The crush lasted 6 months until his job moved. I was really upset but knew it was a stupid crush and for the best because I had to get over it. It took a while but I was over it until last Monday he was back for just a week.

Now it has happened all over again and I'm really down and anybody I meet I compare. Is this normal? How do I stop myself from liking the wrong people? I feel like such a faliure with guys because I always like people that aren't right or meant to be.

thanks heaps

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009):

Ok i have found no way but to let it go by itself. I have the same problem but its a bigger age diffrence and this isnt the first time either.

I lke a 23 yr old and im 14. ive lked guys older but this one is older. I refuse to tlk to him cause i no that i would only get miself into troble so i try to steer clear of him. but its a small town so i c him all the time and it sucks cause i hate it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2007):

Hi I'm 17 too and I've been crushing on this girl for a little over a year... I'm going to tell you that avoiding and rejecting the feelings you have will NOT get rid of the crush. I went as far as completely ignoring this girl everytime she said hi (I know it sounds tight) just because I really wanted to get rid of the crush. Last week I told her I had a crush on her, and that I couldn't stop thinking about her. I was just venting my feelings. After I did that, a lot of the crush seemed to fade away (the OPPOSITE of what I assumed would happen).

yeah.. so accept the feeling instead of rejecting it if you truly want control over it. I know how it feels to be in ur position, and I hope this helps.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007):

I have the same problem..sorta

There is this guy I have been crushing on for years now...and I don't wnat to like him! I just stare and stare at him and i cant help it! I wish it could just go away.

I want to be friends with him..nothing more..but these feelings just wont go away.

Please help me

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2007):

Just realize that this is just a crush and nothing more. Know that he's not available so constantly remind yourself of that. Sometimes we want what we can't have and some people get attracted to a challenge. Just remember, you're a good girl, not a HOMEWRECKER!

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A female reader, happytochat Australia +, writes (24 November 2006):

I know how you feel. I too have had the same problem. But you know what? The reason why I think you havent found someone 'right' is because you're young. You're at the stage of life where most relationships won't work simply because you are young, in experienced, don't know exactly what you want and are still growing & changing as a person emotionaly and mentaly.

I understand that it seems like no other guy can even compare to this mature mid 20 year old you know. Thats probably true. Most guys around your age are immature and havent yet (note the word 'yet'...because they will eventualy find it out, just not yet) worked out how to relate to and intereact to the best of there ability with females.

Its something, unfortunately that you have to grow through, putting up with immature boys of your age.

But there will be some who might suit you and be more mature. So don't give up hope. And by the time you are older and probably more 'ready' for a proper relationship, the guys of your age wll be more mature to, so it will work out. Don't stress.

As for geting over a crush. time heals all wounds. and often I find having interest in someone knew helps you move on. Because it helpes you realise there are other possibilities out there, other great guys. Don't forget that.

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A female reader, pica +, writes (24 November 2006):

All the way through life you wil be attracted to people who are unavailable. This can happen even when you are with someone. There are always things we can't have and if you accept from the start that married or attached men are off limits then you will be able to deal with them and remain detached. Having said this, perhaps stay out of this man's way as much as you can. Be pleasant - ask about the baby.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2006):

You are 17, having crushes on men and boys that are not right for you is part of growing up. You still don't know who you are or what you like, and a crush is a safe way to try on the fantasy of being with different people.

You need to just relax and not worry so much about your dating life, it will all work itself out as you grow and mature in life...for now try being friends first with boys and cultivate a life for yourself that revolves around your hobbies, interests, school, and family, and church.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2006):

no it is not wrong.if u know that this guy has a baby and is married u should really lay off because if his wife would find out u would be in deep shit. got to go. good luck

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