A
female
age
30-35,
*anceLover
writes:So I was seeing someone a few months ago and it went really well. I've never known anyone to make me feel so good about myself and happy. Anyway long story short, he got really hurt in his last relationship and so decided he isn't ready for a new relationship right now. It really, really hurt but I do understand, even though I can't help deep down hoping he'll change his mind and come back to me. Anyway. Over half a year ago, before we even got together, I saw him in a pub one night. We live in a VERY small town, I have to see this guy every week and that's not an exaggeration. Anyway, again, I saw him in the pub and he was talking to some blonde girl who is a couple of years younger than me. I saw no flirting, they were talking, then when I was going to another pub I saw them (within a group of people) going into another pub and he put his arm on her back to sort of push her in the door.That was it, later on he and I got talking and things went from there, but now I have this MASSIVE paranoia that he's going to hook up with her. I can't help it, I know I can't let it bother me anymore if he gets with anyone because we're not seeing each other anymore, but it still hurts cos I do like him.Basically I just want advice on how I can get over paranoia of him and other girls. Sometimes it drives me crazy. I have low self-esteem as it is, I have an eating disorder, and I'm just so scared of hearing about him with someone else cos I know it's gonna destroy me.Any advice please? :(
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female
reader, DanceLover +, writes (1 July 2012):
DanceLover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, I'm not going to lie, I admit I didn't find these answers very helpful..
I am not naive enough to think he's not going to ever fancy another girl. I am asking how to stop myself THINKING about it.
I know we're not together, I am trying my best to move on, I've been on dates, kissed other guys. I'm just finding it a little hard to move on, especially as he ended it with me by saying he really really liked me but just wasn't ready for a relationship.
But thanks for taking the time to reply anyway.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2012): If you have not received professional help, please do so. Find someone who specializes in working with people who have eating disorders. Your paranoia and obsessing and fear will consume you if you don't.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (1 July 2012):
 "Basically I just want advice on how I can get over paranoia of him and other girls. "
Crush any remaining hopes and dreams of you two together. You're not together and he has no responsibilities to you or your feelings. You're not his gf and he isn't interested in making you his gf. Repeat that to yourself whenever you feel paranoid.
The fact is this:
1. He's single and he can see any girls he wants. And he will.
2. You two are not together
3. He told you he didn't want a serious relationship with you
These are the realities. You can either accept them or you can wish and hope that he will magically appear and ask you to be his girlfriend. If you opt for B, you will find yourself in a shitty place and you will waste a lot of time before the truth finally sinks in and you can move on.
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