A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ever since my ex husband walked out of our then apartment, I have been unable to live on my own with my child. Instead I pay rent for an apartment I don't live. I stay with my mother. I don't understand myself. I wish I could live my beautiful newly constructed apartment. Ever since I rented it I have not lived in it. It's been two years already. One day i tried but my child cried all night because she cried all night for her grandmother. It was a difficult night. I admit, when I left my parent's home for the first time with my ex, I never expected for him to leave me with an infant. I never lived alone in my life. With him I felt security, protected. On my own i feel afraid, lonely, depressed.Years has passed, my ex moved on, I haven't and the past still haunts me. To say the truth I haven't been able to move on. I've tried. My child uncontrollable and I can't seem to handle her on my own because she doesn't listen to me. She treats me as if I were her sister. I don't want to leave my home. Where will I go if god forbid my mom pass away? That is why I still have that apartment. Finding apartments in NYC is not easy at all. I pay all of it out of pocket. Has any one gone through this? Any tips on how to get over this problem? Will I ever get to live a normal and stable life?! I get depressed because i feel unstable, inadequate, unable to live a normal life. At my place i have a drawers and a beautiful bed room set, at my mom's place my clothes are kept in bags in a closet, and that's how it's been ever since. I appreciate my mother's help. I pitch in with money, laundry,etc. I work and she cares for my child. The father is absent although he has a visitation order, and calls whenever he feels like it. Yes, anger surges all the time, especially when I think of all the pain and abuse he made me go through. I need help.
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female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (3 July 2009):
 Hun, firstly you need to stop beating yourself up about this. The more you do the more stressed you'll feel and it's a vicious circle.I'm a single mum myself, I had my daughter at 17 and became a single mum when she was 5, she has ADHD so she's also very difficult to control.I know it's so hard when you've never been on your own as I never had either but you really have to force yourself to get out there and start to live on your own, even doing tiny things for yourself will show you 'I can do this' and gradually build your self-esteem.The world's a big scary place right? but I'm sure you want to teach your daughter how to stand on her own two feet and you'll need to lead by example at some point but there's no reason why that has to be NOW. Don't rush this, take things really slow until you have more confidence in yourself. Your daughter probably found it unsettling to be sleeping somewhere new, that's probably why she spent the whole night crying. Why not ask your mum if she could come along and stay for a night at your flat with you and your daughter and then try the next night just the two of you? Make it an adventure for your daughter with lots of games and fun when you spend time there.I think you should talk to a doctor too in case you're suffering from depression as you've been feeling like this for such a long time.You CAN do this, you just need to find the strength and believe in yourself. If you ever wanna chat just message me and I'll get back to you. Good luck x
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