A
female
age
36-40,
*ortoner
writes:Seven months ago I ended a four year relationship. I am not usually the girl to dwel on things, and about a month later I had a fling with his friend. It has been five months and the new guy and I are still together. Our relationship is fine, even though it is long distance, but I noticed that I do not feel as emotionally close to the new guy as i did the one i was dating for 4 years (mabye it is just a time thing). How can I let him know that I want him to share with me, he tell me he loves me and his parrents even like me, but we are both graduating college soon and I want to know if he plans on a future for us or if i am just something to pass the time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): Hi there. Im in a similar situation. Ive been dating my long distance bf for about 10 months now...and well, compared to my ex bf of 3,5 years we arent close at all. Like we dont have that many plans together, hes out with his friends, im out with mine, he does his own thing, i do my own. We live in different countries, and will stay like this for another 3 years. Hes offered me to come to his country after i finish my masters. But. Heres the big but...I feel like hes using me (dont think its the case at all, just feels like it sometimes), i feel like hes using me to pass the time sometimes. He never buys me flowers and never does small things for me. Seems like his own plans always come before our plans. And to be honest, I am exactly the same, I do whats important for me and my family first, then whats good for us. Because we actually never spent that much time together, it feels sometimes like two strangers trying to stay together for some vague reason. When we are together its really really perfect, i mean the relationship. But when we are apart, I feel like im nothing to him. And it hurts. The worst thing that im scared of is that what if hes going to be like this when we live together? Upf. Sorry i trailed off a little bit. Just wanted to let you know your not alone. And well the best piece of advice I can give you is - talk to him. Hes a guy, so most probably hell give you a straight answer to your question.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (30 July 2008):
Why do you need to know?
You don't feel close to him emotionally, you have your doubts about this relationship and I think both of these things are happening for a reason.
You've split up with your ex - do you now feel a bit lost? If you are graduating then the world is your oyster. If you wanted you could emigrate and live in South Korea.
I think you are investing in this new guy because you want him to give you a point of reference as to where to go next. But here's the thing.
It's not up to him to tell you, "yes you must move to this city because I have work there and I have decided you are a long term prospect for me."
What you do next is up to you. See how it goes and make your own plans about what you want to do next in your career. If he happens to be in the same place then see how things pan out with him, if he doesn't then it's sad but really not the end of the world.
Good Luck!! xx
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