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How can I get my husband to make love to me, rather than just having sex?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 March 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 31 March 2011)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:


User has written duplicates of one question, so we have combined the two in one post.

I love my husband dearly, but he doesn't know how to make love to me. He thinks that having sex is making love. How do I make him understand the difference?

i have been married for 16 years. my husband has only made love to me twice, don't get me wrong we have sex but there is no making love. will someone please tell him how to make love to me.....

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (31 March 2011):

chigirl agony auntMaybe you just need to teach him how it's done. Take charge and tell him how you want it to be. Then when you get down to it, ask him to move slower, ask him to look into your eyes, and remember to smile to him and make it enjoyable. Don't get upset or angry! Enjoy teaching him how to take it slow, and show him the great side to making love. He should enjoy is as much as you, if he doesn't then it wont be love making anyway as it takes two people....

You can also make love in more positions than missionary. The main two ingredients in love making is: eye contact and slow pace. You can do that while the two of you are sitting up, you can do it while riding him, you can do it while standing etc. You can also start off with sex, and then move on to love making. Finishing off in the love making style is the important thing, so even if you start with sex and wild and heavy action, as long as you end the act with love making it will be special and give you that "love" feeling.

No one here can tell him how to make love to you though. You alone can tell him how to make love to you. And as person12345 said, you need to be the one to make love to him as well.

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A male reader, honestman Mexico +, writes (31 March 2011):

Listen, buy your man this book:

Kindly force him to read it.

Talk with him about it. Tell him that you need a little more romance, caressing, and cuddling. Seduce him as person12345 says, tease him. Get some sexy lingery, or get a nurse costume [a school girl costume will be even better]. Leave him wanting for more. Don't let him rush into penetrating. Tell him he needs to pay for an entrance ticket. He needs to soothe your mind and hole body in order to get in. Ask him for a massage, give him a massage.

Don't let yourself or him rush into coitus.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (31 March 2011):

person12345 agony auntYou can't force intimacy. But you can try a seduction on your own. Your wording is interesting, he won't do it to me. Why can't you do it to him? If he can't understand how to make love to you, you should make love to him, show him how it's done. Talk him through it a bit, ask him to hold you close, wrap his arms around you, gaze into your eyes, etc... If you give the right positive reinforcement, he'll get the message.

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