A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I haven't done this before but have decided it might be just the answer to getting myself out of a emotional turmoil.I am 35 with 5 children, divorced twice but 3 years ago got together with a 28 yr old friend who lived opposite me for 15 years so my children knew him well and he surprisingly took them on brilliantly. Despite knowing him for so long I always thought he was quite a charmer and despite being really hurt in the past and being very intuitive to cheating etc I really believed he had fallen in love with me and 'never felt like this about anyone'. But he was a hairdresser at the time and friends with so many females and told me he would not give them up for anyone. .As months passed our, relationship still fantastic, I started sensing things, can't even remember now what set it off but I had a feeling he was texting an ex inappropriately so I started that fatal thing of checking phones. I was right but they were clever enough to be excused as meaning something else, but we know don't we. WE split up but he begged to come back and without proof of it meaning more we tried again. a young girl, a neighbour of mine was also a good friend of his which also made me uneasy, we went to her 18th (yes 18th!) and she wouldn't stop staring at I caught him looking at her often, we argued and he said I was paranoid. When we got home she text him saying do the right thing be with the right one, you told me you wanted to be with me and not her. I was heartbroken and he had the cheek to belittle my intelligence and tried to still deny it but I got the girl round and saw the texts over the last few months implying he didn't want to be with me. WE split up again but he spent days on end texting me begging to give him another chance and I gave in again. Things were great, we had a baby a year later and this brought us even closer. 2 years passed and I could not get over it all because he still went round their house to cut hair weekly, yet there were no signs of it continuing which was good until a couple of months ago. This girl now 20, my neighbour. Text him at 1am, usually his phone was close to him but this time it wasn't, I read it and it said 'u ok hun? xx'. I went mad but he swore he was not still texting her so I text her asking her to be honest but no reply. He cried, scared I would split up with him and that he couldn't be without our daughter and the rest of us. I didn't know what to think. Next day this girls mother came round and spilled the beans that he had started up texting her again the last couple of months as he got jealous that another neighbour was taking an interest in her, he couldn't bear it. I was told he used to go round and tell them all he was only with me for our daughter and slag me off. I could not believe he could do this again with the same girl especially knowing I will go to any length to get the truth as I am so scared of being humiliated. Anyway we split up for a few weeks during which time I found out the mother was actually stirring things as she wanted them together but that didn't detract the fact he had still done this. But it turned out some of the things the mum had said were untrue. He was very open and for the first time said it was because he knew he could text her and get a reply but would never cheat and loved me so much etc etc, after weeks of hearing this I took him back on the understanding this really is last chance. He deleted every females number in his phone and stopped visiting the family which if you knew him is a huge deal as he doesn't like letting people down. The trouble I have is during all the times he was texting this girl he was never any different with me, still extremely loving, close etc I would never have had a clue, so how can I move on from this? I can see a huge difference in him, when I have bad days you can see the fear in his face that I will end our relationship again but I am suffering from extreme low self-esteem I end up causing problems now. She is so young compared to me, attractive but I am too without sounding big-headed but that means nothing does it, it obviously wasn't enough for him. That's how I feel, that I wasn't enough for him if he needed to do that but then I tell myself he got with me with 4 children which isn't easy, he could so easily have got with this girl who has no ties and just get on with his life but he comes back to me. How can I get my head round all of this, will I ever? Am I fooling myself to believe it will work? He tells me that I am the most amazing, beautiful woman, funny and make him feel so loved so why did he do this? Any suggestions please, it would mean so much to try and understand this
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divorce, heartbroken, jealous, move on, neighbour, split up, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): Dump him and move on.
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