A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey there,I am recently out of a relationship and ready to start dating again. Went back online and met a cool girl who I really clicked with. We messaged a few times back and forth, exchanged numbers and text quite a bit. Before our first date she cancelled twice (the first time stating she had to work overtime and the second was that she had a really bad day and had anxiety, etc).We finally met up this past week and had an amazing date, kissed, etc. We have texted quite a bit then stating our mutual interest and planned another date for today. Well, I get a text from her this morning saying that she's sick and can't make it. She seemed to feel bad and asked to reschedule but I'm really bummed and kinda feel jerked around. She seemed legitimately interested but I don't know if shes another flaky woman or if I should give her another chance. Thanks!
View related questions:
exchanged numbers, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 July 2017):
 She could be having a unlucky spell, she might not be as interested in you, or she could actually suffer from anxiety. If she suffers from anxiety then she could be battling with herself not to go on these dates. Not because she doesn't want to go or that she is not interested, its maybe because her head is telling her not to go. Personally I would give her another while to get to know her. You have nothing to lose.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 July 2017):
 People can get sick or have a date crash with work. It happens. But it also says something about how much that person prioritizes a relationship over work/their threshold for cancelling is low.
I had to cancel a date once, because it collided with work that I couldn't get out of. I suggested a different date. He took it as me not being interested. But I was telling the truth. I lost interest in him, of course, because I don't want to date someone who thinks I am a liar.
However, what would turn me off this girl you describe is her cancelling over anxiety. Please. If she has mental issues on that level, she's not someone I would date anyway. I have had my fair share of mental problems both in relationships and in family, and I will avoid it to the best of my abilities. I don't want a relationship with someone who is not mentally in good health. Been there, done that, and it's just as bad to me as someone who is in physical bad shape. You either deal with your problems and function at the same level as I do, or it's not going to happen. To be healthy, to the best of ones capabilities, is mandatory for me.
Don't get me wrong, people can be mentally ill and have diagnosis and not be at fault at all. But such people are a bad match for me. Especially if it is so severe they can't leave the house and go on a date. I have walked on enough eggshells in my life, tip toeing around someone elses fragile ego and mental health problems. I'm just done with it. You don't owe it to her to stick around if she's not mentally healthy enough to go out on a date with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 July 2017):
 If she is battling depression/anxiety she might not BE in the "right mind" (to put it bluntly) to be dating or even in a relationship.
Now, I'm not saying people with anxiety can't date or be with someone but they HAVE to be able to have enough control over the anxiety to NOT "run" when that seems easier (or in your case... cancel).
I would look elsewhere for someone to date. She might be a GREAT girl but she needs to work on her anxiety. You can't FIX that for her.
...............................
A
male
reader, rasblak  +, writes (9 July 2017):
It might make it easier for you to move on if you learn from this experience that if you're going to make productive use of your time, you should be ready to smell flakes from a mile away and not hesitate to cut them loose with nary an explanation so as to devote your time to someone more deserving and interesting.
...............................
A
male
reader, rasblak +, writes (9 July 2017):
It might make it easier for you to move on if you learn from this experience that if you're going to make productive use of your time, you should be ready to smell flakes from a mile away and not hesitate to cut them loose with nary an explanation so as to devote your time to someone more deserving and interesting.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2017): You mentioned something about anxiety. Sounds like someone who might be moody and a little on the flaky side. She may be dealing with some mental-health issues. It's a little too early to discuss these sorts of things with a stranger. Now that's giving her benefit of the doubt. Let's be fair.
Canceling dates as frequently as she has is a red-flag. She's unreliable. You might also be a "backup dude." The nice-guy you set aside when you've got nothing better to do.
Maybe she's got other fellows on reserve she can call or text in a pinch. Generally, canceling a date is very rude.
They shouldn't occur so close in succession. Flag's up!
My guess is, she decided to sit at home in her sweats bingeing on Netflix with a bowl of popcorn with her cat. When she doesn't feel like sitting at home, she'll call you.
Preparing for a date is a lot more trouble for women than us guys. They've got to do the hair, makeup, pick-out an outfit, and look her best. Sometimes they get lazy, and just figure; if he likes me, he'll wait until the next time. I just don't feel like it this time. He accepted two excuses before, he's a pushover. That's your cue to slow your roll and prepare the ejector seat.
My advice. Keep it casual. Don't completely write her off. Just don't get your hopes up. This is going to be a pattern of hers. For me personally, this would be the third strike and she's out.
You seem willing to give it another chance, or you wouldn't have asked for another opinion. Give it another chance based on your last date; but she's not that into you. It's odd after a great date that someone would cancel on you for a third time. Three cancellations is too many for me.
That's the dating game my friend!
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (9 July 2017):
 I think she's just not interested enough and you said it, she's a flake. She's come up with every excuse as well... Working overtime, bad day-need space, sick.
Nah, not worth it. I say you move on.
...............................
|
