A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so.. There's this boy in my year that I really like..I first liked him before Christmas last year, but he had a girlfriend then (which I didn't know about), he promised me that if and when they broke up, he'd go out with me. So we stayed friends and he hugged me occasionally, but just friendly hugs, they never meant anything. But before February half term, he dumped his then girlfriend for me, but people kept intefering, so he said it was best if we waited till they'd stopped intefering, but for the next two days after that, he ignored me, so I sent him a message on Facebook, he replied and said that he just wanted to be single. I was really upset, and the last weekend of the half term, I sent him a message telling him how upset I was, he replied and said that he only said changed his mind before, because people were intefering, and that he would go out with me, just not now. But when we went back to school, he started ignoring me again, so one of my friends spoke to him and he started talking to me again, but he wasn't acting as if he liked me back, so I asked him properly if he likes me or not, and he said he does, but he just wants to be single for now. But I don't think it's that, I think it's his friends stopping him, because when he's around them, he doesn't talk to me, and acts as if I'm not there, but if it's just me and him, or if we're around my friends, he'll talk to me, and I know that a lot of his friends don't like me, so I think that he's worried about what his friends would think if he went out with me. I sent him a message on Facebook about it, and he didn't reply, but since then, he's been talking to me when his friends are around, and his hugs feel like they mean more, and they last longer, so I think I was right in thinking it's his friends stopping him. How can I get him to realise that he can't let his friends get in the way? Because I know he really likes me, and I know he does want to go out with me. Please help if you can. Thanks x
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen he made that promise to me, he hadn't really known me that long, and he's a really caring person, and to be honest, I think he probably said that so that he didn't upset me too much, the last time he saw me upset he made a big fuss over me, so I know that he really does care about me. One of my friends has known him since they were little, and she can tell when he really likes a girl, she said that she can tell he likes me from the way he looks at me.
I'll just have to take each day as it comes I suppose..
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (25 March 2011):
 "...he promised me that if and when they broke up, he'd go out with me."
This is a *huge* red flag. Re-read it until you see that. He was keeping you waiting in the wings as a backup. And you were OK with that? You cheapen yourself by allowing someone to treat you that callously.
"But when we went back to school, he started ignoring me again..."
This is like crack for chicks. Hot-cold treatment, promising one thing then delivering only sporadically, feeds the need for drama. It can be addictive. You need to recognize when this is happening, it's a bad sign.
"How can I get him to realise that he can't let his friends get in the way?"
You can't. His friends will come first, generally speaking. There's always another girl. You are a unique individual, but remember, it doesn't always look that way from the outside.
That assumes, of course, it really is his friends making him ignore you - rather than just making it easier for him to ignore you. In the latter case, he's the one choosing to be distant, and his friends are only helping.
"Because I know he really likes me, and I know he does want to go out with me."
This line indicates to me that you are way, way too invested in a guy you aren't even dating yet. You're letting your sense of self-worth and confidence get tied up in whether or not some dude likes you. Take a step back, and rather than asking if he likes you, ask if he deserves to be liked by you.
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