A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:A tradesman has completed several renovating jobs for me for over the last two years. He sometimes has his teenage son with him to assist him. He is trustworthy and reliable. The very few times I have spoken to him have been just before I have gone to work or when he is quoting for the job. Or to pay him. He is separated. But although he has dropped hints about wanting to settle down again, he really does not appeal to me at all. Not physically and also because he can be too cheeky for me. Settling down again is not something I am interested him. And yesterday he started to tell me how very lonely he is. My mother made comment too that he is a cheeky man. He is. It is not because he is separated but not divorced. And not because he is cheeky. His looks do not appeal to me. And I feel no spark for him.By my standards he is not available even if I did find him appealing because he is separated, not divorced. And has remained separated for five years. I have used him for several jobs because he is honest and reliable. Recently his comments have been more pointed. He started detailing his financial status.And he started fishing for what I am worth financially. And he speculated on the value of the property I live in. I let the questions float over my head as if I did not hear them, as I am not willing to answer such questions. I really would like to keep using him for renovation work. My situation is that I am divorced, my daughter works interstate. I am not interested in starting a new relationship nor am I interested in getting married again. he makes flirty comments to me, which I do not return. I cannot make out someone appeals to me when I do not feel that way.How do I discourage him, and not lose him as the reliable tradesman he is? Or am I jumping to conclusions? Perhaps he is just making conversation?
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 He may be reliable as a workman but he should not be so familiar to voice his thoughts on what he thinks you are worth financially. The red flags are waving hearing this.
Next time you need work get three quotes. Surely he is not the perfect tradesman for every job?
And be a little more distant. Load the car, while saying goodbye. Be courteous but let him know you need to be somewhere else. It sounds like you have been too nice to him and he has mis-interpreted that as interest.
Or next time you do need to be there invite a couple of friends to join you. Perhaps he is lonely and he thinks you must be too. But do nothing to encourage the way his thoughts are going on this.
And if he needs to work on the interior of you home and if you need to be there, then make sure you invite a friend over to visit at the appropriate time that day.
And Ampersand's advice on how to speak to him is Great advice too.
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