A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My cousin (18) and I (17) have always had this very strange connection. I don't know if you would call it love, but we just have this amazing relationship. Ever since we were kids, we have always been best buds. Whenever we would get into a fight and then stop talking to each other, the next time we saw each other, we would act as if nothing happened and it was just this incredible feeling. After a couple years I realized that I started having stronger feelings toward him. This summer I decided to tell him how I felt. He said that he wasn't freaked out or anything but he thought it was just a "familial feeling." This past weekend we were talking on the phone a lot about how I felt about him and I felt like we had accomplished so much in our conversation. After that he text messaged me and asked me if we werent cousins, would the physical aspect still be there. I, of course, told him yes because that's how strongly I feel. Then he told me that he thought I was pretty and that he understands the attraction and the connection that I feel, and that he has been having "weird dreams" about me and the situation. My first response was, alright! he finally feels that same way. Then we talked again on the phone and I asked him about his feelings and he said that he wasnt sure what they were exactly. He thinks that we just have this amazing family bond, and that it doesnt go any further than that...we ended the conversation with the fact that we both need to figure out if our feelings are just family bonding or if they really trully are deeper than that. What I need advice on is the fact that I have no idea how to distinguish what my feelings are. I know that I have never felt this way about anyone, including outside of my family. But I have also never been in love before so I don't know what thats like so I cant compare anything. All I know is that I cant stop thinking about him and the situation. I dont understand how I am supposed to figure out what im feeling. Please help me, im desperate!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): Hi, I agree with all the above statements, and I myself have genuine feelings for my cousin, although all my friends think all this close shagging is sick, but in my own opinion you do what you think is best for you and I am with you 100%.
Love Demilia
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): Why would you want to date your cousin? its worse that you grew up together, I'd understand if you only saw each other as adults but please...
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A
male
reader, Uncle Trev  +, writes (25 September 2007):
I will back what an anonymous answerer has put here that it is perfectly legal in the UK for 1st cousins to marry.
Even if the cousins are a result of two sisters marrying two guys that are brothers. In this case the offspring can share the same sirnames and really be as close as brother and sister but the law here says it is alright for them to marry.
Incest here in the UK is only and just the following :-
Brother - sister
Son - Mother
Daughter - Father
Grandchild - Grandparent
Relationships such as -
step brothers and sisters,
step son and step Mum,
Step Dad and Step Daughter
and
any relatives that do not share both parental genes are considered acceptable within the law of wedlock here.
Please allow that the question in this case has come from the states and they have differant laws about cousins marring out there. I don't think it is a blanket law across everywhere though - I believe it differs according to what state you are in.
In this case if the laws prohibit you in your state then move to another state. If it is difficult in all states out there then bring yourself across the pond where you will have no problem whatsoever.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): I'm afraid I have to disagree with leanne - it is not illegal or incest for even first cousins to be together, or even to get married. Not in the UK anyway! (we checked first!)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): I'll tell you a little story, as briefly as I can.
At the age of fourteen I had a huge crush on my cousin, who is 10 months older than me. I mentioned this to our grandmother who you argued with at your peril. She instantly had an attack of the vapours and told me it wasn't going to be and in any case I should be looking for a girl younger than me. I asked why and she said that when I got older I would understand. (I still don't, but there you go).
Anyway, 37 years later and my cousin had been through two marriages and so had I. She was in a terrible state because her husband had recently left her for younger woman so, as we've always been fairly close, I went to see her to offer a shoulder to cry on.
When I knocked on her door and we first saw each other it was like only the day before that we'd last spoken, but was in fact nearer to 10 years. After dinner I told her how I'd felt about her all those years ago and the conversation I'd had with grandma, and she apparently felt just the same as I did, but was too shy to say anything to anyone.
So, at the age of 51 we became lovers and for the last 7 years we've been an item and get on great together. We still fight like we did all those years ago, a bit like brother and sister, but any arguments are cleared up before bedtime. We've got a pretty much identical sense of humour and we have a great time together. I've never been happier than I am now. It must be in the genes or something.
My advice? Follow your heart, and if you both feel the same then go for it. At least you're talking about it which is a good start.
I wish you luck, not that you'll need much of it.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (24 September 2007):
 i have to agree with your cousin, i think if you are close to a family relative, not immediate but cousins, you feel the sense of being able to be yourself, you know they are going to be acceptive of you because you are family and so you have no worries. being so close in age, you've grown up with him and he has always been around you, meaning you have a very special bond and closeness, which is great but i dn't think it will ever go any further because it would be incest, you're uncle is your dad's brother, you would never be accepted and it could tear your family apart.
you need to understand that he is family and unfortunately you have fallen for the wrong guy but after time this feeling will go away and you should thank your lucky stars that you have such a great bond!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): Yes, you are in love, but it is familial love. It is okay to love your cousin, but not physically. Hopefully you will grow out of this physical aspect, and enjoy the beautiful bond that you have with your cousin.
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