A
male
age
41-50,
*arbas
writes:In the first comment, I talked about an affair I had in South Africa. Now, let me talk about another person in this history: my present bf. He´s a wonderful person, we live in a very nice relationship, but in spite of this, I can´t forget the other one I met in SA and it makes me feel blamed for not love this present one like he deserves. The other guy doesn´t seem like to keep in touch because he hasn´t replied my messages since a long time.How can I deal with the past so that I can love my bf?
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male
reader, Jarbas +, writes (2 May 2011):
Jarbas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer. It helped me a lot.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (1 May 2011):
 You don't say how long ago your former relationship ended, so it could be hard for you to move on if you have immediately jumped into a new relationship before your heart and mind had time to deal with the break up. This is common with women. Contrary to what women libbers think, we tend to leap rather quickly into another relationship rather than be alone. You also did not mention how the former relationship ended or why. You probably lack closure. But if it's been a year since the break up you have got to pull your head out of the past. Plus if he's not responding, that's a clear message that you need to stop contacting him and move on, he obviously has. So put away all the tokens he gave you. Box up or purge old photos, CD's, jewelry. You don't have to throw away, but put away out of sight. Otherwise you are just bringing old relationship karma into your new relationship. No wonder you can't focus on the present. My husband had this problem when we first met. When I moved in with him, I had to literally remove every reminder he had and it really helped him let go and move on. Good luck.
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