A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I work in a engineering firm and I have come across a group. Of people two men and some of the woman that seem to be judgmental of where people live and the city they were raised. I live in a major city in the US near New York and like every city there are good and bad parts; they grew up in a middle class area that is a “town” I grew up as a city kid in a middle class home .. I have noticed many times when I mentioned particular cities around my home they tend to look down on the like it’s the “hood” or as if I’m not as upper class as them which makes me feel insecure sometimes .. I was also having a conversation the other day and mispronounced a word and they were mocking me ( I am an immigrant but they do not know that) I have been in this county for a 27 years and I Dotn have an accent or a non American name ..I am almost afraid to share my background (european) with these people Bevause they seem judgementalHow can I not take these types of remarks personally- it seems one of them seems to make these comments and put me in a box just cause I grew up in a certain area or am from a certain place .I would like to not take these comments personally but I do - any advice ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2019): I think Code Warrior hit the nail on the head. You sound ashamed of your past/roots. Like he suggests, be proud of where you’re from. Find something about who you are and where you came from that makes you who you are and own it. That’s how you take insults from ignorant people who are not aware of your past and your experiences as a badge of pride.
Didn’t you after all end up in the same place, and you may have dealt with more barriers and adversity?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2019): You cannot stop people from being judgmental, prejudiced, snobbish, or mean. So, you control how their behavior affects you.
You've been on the planet long enough to know a thing or two about human-nature. You know there are good-people and bad-people. We all have to share the same planet. We breath the same air, and drink of the water that comes from the same sources.
Letting the bold and the obnoxious rule unchecked is cowardice. You let them brag and boast, and pitch their hissy-fits! Teach yourself to ignore them and tune them out! When they deliberately step on your toes, or go out of their way to offend you; let them know when they're out-of-line. Choose your battles! Then at other times, let their haughty high-fa-looting nonsense roll of your back! Stand-up for what's right, and you can't go wrong!
You don't let them make you feel bad about who you are; or what you have, or don't have! You are their equal; because you earn as much as they do, and work for the same employer. Some earn a little more; but they aren't all CEO's! Are they? Our very Constitution specifically states "All men (and women) are created equal..."
Let them look down their noses, if they want to. They're phonies! Those who rise from humble-beginnings are the true American heroes and heroines. Those who persevere in the face adversity, break racial-barriers, survive poverty, and/or have left oppression in foreign places; and yet they have achieved the American-dream! That also goes for the humble at heart; who have beat the odds and still achieved their dreams wherever they are in God's world! Those are the people who deserve applause and admiration. In the United States, we've recently elected people who are as diverse as we are. In spite of the platform and pulpit somehow obtained by the mean-spirited, bigoted, greedy-types; who now feel so empowered and emboldened to mistreat others!
There is a God in heaven, and He know's how to deal with the evil and the haughty-folk! Snobs need attention and admiration. It takes the wind out of the sails when they don't get it. Shrug your shoulders when they brag! Show you're unimpressed! So what?
Our nation has been besought by a movement of openly bigoted people, those claiming white-nationalism, espousing xenophobia, exhibiting blatant cruelty, and serving-out their brand of self-righteousness! An abundance of narcissistic hypocrites and fake-religious people who shout louder or above everybody else. They've chosen leadership and representatives that have opened the floodgates of hell; and have given them a worldwide platform. You've got to be brave! It's yours and my world too!
We don't all think or behave as those people do. We can't allow ourselves to be hounded or intimidated by them either.
Just remember this, my dear! You work where they do; which means you have the same skills, qualifications, education, and aptitude as they have. Probably even better! You've survived in two parts of the world. Lived in different cultures and conditions. You're doing great!
Everybody stumbles on words! Nobody has bastardized the English-language and grammar like us native-born American-citizens! Manners and consideration for others is now considered archaic and comical. Yet we have arrogant mean-spirited people snubbing others like their poop don't stink! Well, their attitudes stink; and you shouldn't allow them to get to you. You know better than that! You're not a child! Rise above it! They hold their noses higher; because their butts are so close to them!
Seriously?!!!
Even if you didn't come-up the same-way. Good for them! Most of them are lying and embellishing about their backgrounds anyway. If you were a fly on the wall, or investigated; you'd see all that they were hiding...including the fact that many Americans come from credit-card wealth! Most of what you see is facade and window-dressing.
Take pride in your humble beginnings. You didn't come from aristocracy; but you don't have to put on airs, or be pretentious for anybody's sake. The truth is, they haven't progressed any further than the girl who was born in Europe; and grew-up in a nice but average town. While she was loved by hardworking good-people; who gave her everything they never had. She may not be rich, but she is blessed!
Look at how crass and obnoxious the wealthy behave in our country. Flaunting what they have and turning a nose up at the poor. They have money as advantage; but it doesn't buy them happiness, trust, or love. They have to show-off and stir-up envy for what they have; yet they commit suicide, become drug-addicted, alcoholics, mentally-unbalanced, commit crimes, and live shameful-lives in spite of financial-advantage. Money doesn't make you better, it just makes you richer!
Get-over that silly nonsense of letting those people make you feel down on yourself. They change their dirty-underwear, go to the toilet, and make fools of themselves just like anybody raised in poverty, or the "hood!" If you have to look down on other people to make yourself feel better; it only proves that you're insecure, and of very weak character. Money might buy a lot of "things;" but stripped of it, you're as human, vulnerable, and imperfect as anybody else.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 June 2019):
 When I get tired I might mispronounce or search for the right word and my family (hubby and kids) will tease me. Its not to make me feel bad, its just banter in this house.
I speak 6 languages. English is my 3rd language, so who cares if I mispronounce ?! Not me!
Anyone who wants to "look down" at me are free to do so, just like I'm free to not want to associate with them or hang out.
Have pride in yourself, your family and origins. They are you root and unchangeable. With out those roots you wouldn't be here!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (9 June 2019):
 My advice: grow a thicker skin and stop taking everything they say personally. You cannot control what people say (or do or think), but you CAN control how you view it or react to it. That is where your strength lies. You ARE strong enough to handle this.
I could be wrong but you sound a little like you may have a bit of an inferiority complex because of your background. A bit of a chip on your shoulder perhaps? Due to that, you take things personally which others would not.
There are people who will ALWAYS mock someone for pronouncing something wrong - or even differently to how THEY pronounce it. Does this really matter in the grander scheme of things? 12 months down the line, will you even remember it? It says a lot more about the person making the comment than about the person at whom it is aimed.
I do understand and empathize that it is difficult to forget how people make you FEEL (much more so than what was actually said) but you are ALLOWING them to make you feel this way. Nobody can make you feel inferior in any way without your permission. Yes, these people MAY come from (what they see as) "better" areas, yet here you all are together, working in the same company, so you have achieved the same as they have despite your "inferior" background. Middle finger up to them! I would go as far as to say, this is probably one of the reasons they DO look down on you, because it makes THEM feel better about themselves.
Hold your head high and be proud of who you are and what you have achieved. It's a pity you feel ashamed of being an immigrant, like that makes you inferior in some way. It is their prerogative to make what assumptions they like about places of which they have no experience or knowledge except what they have heard or read in the media. You cannot stop them doing that if that is the sort of people they are.
My parents were immigrants although I was born in the UK. I didn't even learn English until I went to school at the age of 5, yet I am the one at work who "sense checks and grammar checks" long reports and other documents. The standing joke in our office is "Ask the foreign bird to check the English in this". I could find a comment like that insulting. Guess what? I don't! I take it as a compliment and even use the phrase myself jokingly. I have no qualms in telling people my parents were immigrants and that I didn't learn English until I went to school. I also mention that I am fluent in my mother tongue and can switch between the two languages with ease. It's all about what you ALLOW to upset you and how you CHOOSE to view things.
Hold your head high. Be proud of what you have achieved. Their opinions on things they know nothing about are irrelevant. How you CHOOSE to react to the comments that are made is entirely under your control. Stop allowing these people to live rent free inside your head. Ignore or laugh off their comments, work hard to prove your worth to your employers and do well in your chosen field. Your worth is not defined by what others think of you. Be strong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2019): I would ignore them people are going to have their opinionsat the end of they day it does not matter what people think! If they are not scratching your checks you shouldn’t worry about them don’t be personal with them!
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