A
female
age
30-35,
*ysterium
writes:Hi My problem is that I do not have too many friends. I don't make friends too easily. I'm shy and at times feel conscious. And it comes in my way of socializing and having many friends...which I would like to have. Its not that I have a repulsive personality or anything, maybe I'm just insecure... But I just assume so many things about the person I speak to, that it ruins everything. And so I'm very emotionally dependent on the few good friends that I have. I don't really like it this way. I mean for me, friends should not pose as a concern in your daily life...I mean you make new friends, you lose a few friends. But to fixate and to be VERY dependent on just one or two friends is just bad. Its happening to me and I feel so stupid. It feels like I'm always there for them but they have limited time for me. I get it its not their fault, but in the end I am the one who feels stranded and highly stupid. So I request you to seriously tip me on how I can be confident and not hesitate to talk to people and secondly how should I stop taking my friends so seriously. Thanks a lot :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): I guess the best way to make friends is to be attractive (not physically, just in general). And the best way to attract people is to be confident, be happy with yourself, be happy being on your own, be funny, be charming and fun to hang around.
You are so worried about the way things are going, you are so worried with what you perceive as being your flaws that it is stifling your progress and your need for accomplishing what you want. Stop worrying about things you can't change. You are who you are, embrace it. Nobody's perfect. And if someone is going to be your friend it's going to be for who you are, nothing else.
Stop worrying so much! DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY =)
You live by this motto, and slowly but surely things will go your way.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): Hello. You arent stupid. It stands to reason if you dont have many friends that you will stress and worry about them and go out of your way to keep them happy. Anything we want but dont have a lot of, we tend to guard closely and look after a little too well.
So you need more friends and a method of dealing with your social discomfort. Have you tried looking around for classes in confidence building and assertiveness? If not, see if any of the colleges in your area offer evening classes. It is a great way to explore and develop new social skills. You might even make news friends who feel exactly as you do! Social clubs and classes of special interest will help you to meet and make friends too. If you can meet new people and work on improving your confidence, things will slowly fall into place for you. Many of us have been in your situation at some stage or another and many feel exactly as you do. But the more you can get out and about, the more strangers you can turn into friends, the less lonely you will feel, the busier you will become ect. If you can get yourself out there it wont be long before your old friends are asking to meet up with you because YOU are always so busy that they hardly get to see you anymore! So dont be shy, learn how to build your confidence because it can be done very successfully. Put your energies into that rather than into worrying about your current friends. It will pay dividends x
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A
female
reader, supermum  +, writes (25 March 2012):
 I would suggest talking to your docs to see if you are depressed, you have very low self esteem.Aside from that, you need to get a hobby, or join a club or something. For example, see if there are any walking groups near you, or coffee mornings etc etc. That way you will be out meeting new people and making new friends, which will boost your confidence and self esteem. Do you have a job? If so, try going out with your colleagues. If not, why not either get a job or try volunteering somewhere? It is important that you try and get yourself out and about. If you struggle to talk to people, research (google) some opening lines and remember them. That way you have a way to start conversations with people. But definately have a chat with your doctor. The may suggest putting you on a low dose of an antidepressant which could improve your mood. And also, your doctor will have names of groups that you could join. x
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A
female
reader, AuntieRI-RI +, writes (25 March 2012):
Okay, best way to be confident is to just smile. Smiling releases good endorphins into your bloodstream and makes you feel a lot more confident in yourself, wear pretty clothes and play about with your hair :) x 3
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