A
male
age
30-35,
*cottishAndProud
writes:Now i'm sure this is a question that pops up here CONSTANTLY but it's troubling me and i'd like to get 'personal' answers. I've been friends with a girl for a couple years and we've had on/off feeling for each other however never at the same time. She fancies me, i've got a girlfriend and vice versa. Now I like her and she's single - Seems great, right? No. I'm extremely nervous about asking her out. She also has a very hectic work schedule and i'm worried that if I choose a time were she's working then i'll be turned down and not given another chance. Just this week we've been quite intimidate when she was at mine involving dirty talk and 'massages'. Now, she's a tease but she isn't a slut - Do you think this is a sign? I know it's a difficult question without knowing her but she's quite flirtatious and sexual but by no means a slut. I guess what i'm trying to ask is ladies, how can I ask her in a non-intimating and non-pressured way and have the ability to keep a good friendship going if it goes wrong. And guys, have you had any situations like this and what did you do with what consequences?Thanks!
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male
reader, ScottishAndProud +, writes (20 October 2011):
ScottishAndProud is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks So Very Confused, you've been a big help!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 My goal is to make YOU happy. NOT her. I don't know her... she's not the one asking for advice.
What are you willing to accept from her?
she's making it clear she's NOT into you in a romantic way.
are you hoping she may later on change her mind? are you going to spend months or years being her friend waiting for her to realize what a prize you are?
is it worth it?
or do you want to take the risk that telling her you can't be friends with her because it hurts too much might work in your favor.
see it might... it might make her reconsider... on the other hand if she really does NOT see you as more than a friend she may let you walk away.
you have to decide if having her as a friend ONLY is acceptable.... if it is then do nothing. IF you are going to be her friend only and secretly HOPE that she will change her mind you may be setting yourself up for heartache.
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A
male
reader, ScottishAndProud +, writes (20 October 2011):
ScottishAndProud is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWould it be wise to tell her that? In your personal opinion, I mean. Surely that would really just put everything to a stand still and wreck any future chances?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 October 2011):
I'm so sorry. Sadly what she's saying is that she does NOT see you that way...
so if you can't be friends with her now that she's shot you down, you should tell her that her failure to be willing to "take the risk" has ruined the friendship for you.
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A
male
reader, ScottishAndProud +, writes (20 October 2011):
ScottishAndProud is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I asked her, she said she didn't want to take 'the risk'. Oh well I guess? I don't understand why people say that, I mean, i've already taken a risk. A risk that's sort of ruined the friendship for me so meh.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 October 2011):
you can't guarantee that a good friendship will remain if you date and it does not work out... but you also are getting clues that she's receptive to your asking...
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (19 October 2011):
 "Just this week we've been quite intimidate when she was at mine involving dirty talk and 'massages'."
If she isn't a "slut" as you say, then how could this possibly NOT be a sign???
You gotta take a risk here dude, you can't have a win-win situation here, so stop being a pansy, man up and ask her out. If she rejects you, shrug it off, back off for a while and provided you haven't done anything incredibly stupid, there's no reason why she won't still want to stay good friends.
Goodluck dude :)
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