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female
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*ollygirl
writes: It is not for me, a friend, who has a dear and truly loving family. He has met and fallen in love with a lady, yet he is still married and feels nothing for his wife, yes they get along, no arguing etc. 2 lovely daughters and a nephew as well. How can he commit to his love yet keep the family sane and see them grow up without any hurt or loss of love. he told me that if it wasn't for the children 11 and 15 they would have split up a long time ago. He has asked me for advice but I am at a loss, I wouldn't want to be in a loveless marraige but wouldn't want to lose the children and be there for them.
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female
reader, mollygirl +, writes (16 June 2007):
mollygirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice so far. I can see what you are saying but having chatted with my friend he seems to want his cake and eat it. I think something has to give. He and his wife don't do much together, he adores the children yet he loves another woman. He wants to be with the children as it is now but where would his new lady fit into the picture if he wants the children like he does now. He has told me if it wasn't for the children he would have split from his wife years ago. Do you think he is frightened. he is a good dad so why stay in an unhappy marriage just for the children.
A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (12 June 2007):
 MYself and my husband split up ten months ago and i don't deny it affects the children but not as bad as we might think, if he leaves it does not mean he can not be there for them as since my husband left he has the children three nights a week phones them every day and they probably spend more quality time with him now, if he stays with his wife for the sake of his children he could lose this new women who he does love and the kids will be left home before too long and then what does he have left, it's very admirable that he is thinking of his wife and children but he really does need to take into consideration his own happiness.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (12 June 2007):
 Just because the guy splits with the wife doesnt mean he will loose the kids. I haven't been married myself so have never been in this guys place but my parents separated when I was 9 and I have 2 younger sisters aswell. It hurt like hell but what helped was my mum and dad both being there. We stayed with my mum sunday night till friday daytime as my dad worked in London, and then he had us at weekends. Apart from the odd weekend I dont not remember my dad being there.
If there is nothing left in the relationship with the wife then I think he needs to talk to her and see about separating. It isn't fair on the wife for the guy to play happy families but to have feelings elsewhere, and it isn't fair on the guy to be in a relationship where he feels trapped in.
I was happy that my parents separated as they were unhappy and I think it would have done us kids more damage if they stayed together.
Hope this helps xxxxxx
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