A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my ex is 22 yrs old. I'm 25. Which is a pretty big difference in terms of partying and settling down, etc. Our relationship was fine until one night when we met his friends. I felt like none of them liked me. Like, because i didn't find smoking a hookah and drinking beers in someones backyard the best time ever, that I was too "old" to hang out with them. He's now dating a girl that fits in with their group- she is younger than him 20 and already knows all of his friends. But he'll still call me from time to time saying that he loves me, he misses me, that he wasn't ready to settle down, that i "scare the shit" out of him. It's hard because I do love him and i feel like that night messed up everything. We don't talk on a regular basis. and I recently sent him a message asking him to delete my number. I'm just worried that i've lost him for good. :( Any advice, should i let him go, will we never be able to be together because of his friends? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (19 April 2011):
 Keep the jacket if he wants it he'll come looking or get in touch. Don't use it as an in with him.
Don't worry about not seeing him, love will find a new guy for you. I wouldn't flip out on yourself.
A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (19 April 2011):
 You could put a note on it. I think that it is polite to offer to return the jacket. Somethings you just don't return but a jacket you should offer abck to him. I mean what would you do with it anyway. A note would be nice just don't let it sound too needy. You want to remain strong while still letting him know that he meant alot to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your input. I think at this point i've lost him. I feel like there's just so many things against us, including his friends, age, what he wants, being scared of a relationship w/me- that maybe it's time to just give up. It sucks because i do love him. I do have another question tho- I have his jacket that he gave me. I wanted to return it to him, but i don't know if i should. should i put a little note on it or something? it's a little faded and i've had it for a long time so i feel kinda bad about it.
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A
female
reader, cupidus +, writes (13 April 2011):
He's not looking at commitment right now, so thus "you scare the shit of of me" meaning, I love you and I want you, but holy crap I'm not ready for the big M or even the big R.
You also sent him a message asking him to delete your number.
That's like calling someone and saying "don't call me"
That's manipulation in a tiny way. Also letting him know that you're still interested.
So balls in his court, but I'd leave it there, if he shows up, be cool, don't hang out with the hooka gang, do your own things and take it easy.
If he doesn't call back, no foul, life moves along. There will be more..there always is..
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (13 April 2011):
It could also be that this issue has nothing to do with his friends but just that your lifestyle didn't match with his.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): Friendship is great. True friendship, even better.
But passionate love trumps it all. Once you are in love, your priorities shift to that person. If the friends don't like it, then they can get fucked as true friends accept and adapt. Or they get left behind.
Any person that would forgo their own love and happiness because of the likes and dislikes of any group, friends or not, does not deserve love.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (13 April 2011):
I think that when they are close friends it really makes a big deal. In the end friends can last a lifetime when it's just reality that relationships come and go far more often. I think it wasn't the age different that caused the break up. By the sounds of things he wasn't mature enough for you no matter what his age was.
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