A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello Dearcupids!I need help concerning an ex boyfriend.He finished with me in April this year, claiming he wasnt ready for a relationship. It was a fair enough reason, although I have to admit that the relationship wasn't that great due to the fact that I couldnt be my true self around him because I felt shy in his presence.We broke up on good terms and he's still very friendly towards me, perhaps a little too friendly! I still have strong feelings for him so inevitably i've been trying to analyse the things he says to me to try and work him out. I keep getting my hopes up that he wants me back, but so far there has been no mention of it. He often pops up on facebook chat asking how i am, what i've been up to, etc. He seems to show an interest in my life. He appears somewhat obsessive if I don't respond to him straight away. For example:HiHey are you?Hello??Are you there?Are you ignoring me? loletc....Not only that, but he'll drop me the odd friendly email if i'm not online.Additionally, he flirts with me and compliments me. So how am I supposed to move on when he's being so lovely towards me? Infact, he's actually behaving towards me exactly how he did before we got together - we still have those amazing, late night conversations, which I love. He's even made references to memories of when we were together! But the reality is that things have changed, and i'm saddened by this... I want him back. I know he still likes me but whether he wants another try at our relationship? that's a different matter! I know he finished me because he wasn't ready for commitment, but I can't help but consider that he's changed his mind?My head is all over the place lol. Either we get back together or I move on, but at the moment I feel like neither are possible.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): He's an EX, treat him like one... no contact.
Ex's that remain in contact are committing an act of cruelty, as the other ex can't heal. Seeing them regularly, and especially interacting with them keeps the wounds open.
He needs to be put in his place, and you need to be able to grow in a different direction and not be constantly re-wounded.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 awww, isnt he a sweet one, so nice and caring.
Actually, he finished with you because he wasn't ready for committment, and the fact he is still being "so lovely" towards you is that although he doesnt want committment he still wants you. So he keeps you hooked in with his are you ignoring me's and his odd friendly email and the amazing late night conversations.
Why put yourself through this, how is the pain being caused by him being "so lovely" helping you? How does this benefit you? We know how it benefits him, he can maintain an image of being "so lovely" keep you hooked in so that you cant move on, gives him a backstop girl in case he does decide he wants a girlfriend, etc etc.
You say you feel you cant move on ... let me tell you how to start, firstly no more late night conversations, secondly, next time he asks if you are ignoring him, just ignore him, as for those friendly emails, let them sit for 12 hours or so before you respond with a bright and breezy, and lets not forget friendly, "sorry I didnt get back to you sooner but I have been busy"
It would be rude of him to ask what you have been doing, but if you feel compelled to answer, you say, I was reading an amazing book, or watching an amazing film, I was helping my mother with something, my dad needed me to hand him his spanners .... anything
and slowly but surely just ween yourself off him, inch by inch, one hour at a time.
Good luck, YOU CAN DO IT!
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